Review: Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir)

Rating:

Book 36 on My Book List 2021

„Oh, I have hurt your heart,“ she said.
Gideon kept it absolutely level. „I boohooed for hours.“
„It won’t be the last time I make you weep.“

Okay, so “Gideon the Ninth” is definitely a book I have troubles to review because 1.) It’s unlike any other book I ever read and 2.) Most of the time I was super confused and really had to make an effort to be able to follow the plotline. XD Like seriously, all those different names and the houses plus the mere fact that most of the characters went by 3 or 4 different names/nicknames made this really tough to read. I think due to this the writing style was very hard to get into at first and it took me a little while until I could connect with the story. (I mean we have 9 Houses after all) Not to mention Tamsyn Muir’s unique writing style in general. Sometimes I had to read a sentence thrice to actually understand what was happening. (Maybe it was just my tired brain though, so *lol*) Also there were a lot of scenes when you read the scene but afterwards you’re none the wiser. If that makes sense?!

„Oh, this is boring,“ Gideon had said in disappointment. „I wanted one with a skull puking another, smaller skull, and other skulls flying all around. But tasteful, you know?“

As for the premise of the book: There was barely any action happening in space, it was basically limited to two planets and not actually in space and the lesbian representation, was there but vague and not very pronounced. I mean we get a couple of Gideon’s dirty thoughts but they are almost chaste in comparison to what I usually read. I guess my mind would have been way dirtier than Gideon’s, but let’s not go down that road and focus on the book instead. ;-P What “Gideon the Ninth” definitely had a lot of was necromancy and suspense! I kinda loved the murder mystery vibe we got in here and all the interesting details about the necromantic world and how it works.

”If you want to know what I think … I think that you’re a cavalier worthy of a Lyctor. I want to see that, what you’d become. I wonder if the Reverend Daughter even knows what she has in you?”

If I got it right there are nine houses and every one of them is specialized on some area of necromancy which was very intriguing to me. Also the description of how it works and what you have to do in order to move dead corpses etc. was super interesting. You could tell Tamsyn Muir put a lot of thought and effort into her world building and even though it was sometimes very confusing I really liked that love for science and detail. Because yes, if you break it down to the basics necromancy seems to be a science and I loved how Muir made sure to convey that to her readers.

„I must no longer accept,“ she said slowly, „being a stranger to you.“
„Whoa, whoa, whoa,“ said Gideon, sudden sweat prickling the back of her neck, „yes you can, you once told me to dig myself an ice grave. Stop before this gets weird.“

Of course Gideon and Harrow are the main characters of the book and it’s told from Gideon’s POV, which made Harrow quite a mysterious character and added a lot to the atmosphere. I was such a sucker for their interactions because Harrow always seems to be annoyed by everything Gideon does and Gideon just doesn’t get her. Sometimes they were on the same page though and whenever that happened it was either a lot of fun or very serious business. It was really nice to see how they developed from enemies-to-friends and I’m using that description on purpose because this certainly wasn’t your typical enemies-to-lovers arc and I’m not even sure what they would have defined themselves as by the end of the book. *lol* We’ll just leave it at that.

”Well, all I can say is thank the Tomb that nobody knows you’re not really one of ours. If I didn’t know that, I’d be saying that you were Matthias Nonius come again or something equally saccharine.”
„Harrow,“ said Gideon, finding her tongue, „don’t say these things to me. I still have a million reasons to be mad at you. It’s hard to do that and worry that you got brain injured.“
„I’m merely saying you’re an incredible swordswoman,“ said the necromancer briskly. „You’re still a dreadful human being.“
„Okay, cool, thanks,“ said Gideon. „Damage done though.“

When it comes to the other characters in the book I’ve to say that Palamedes and Camilla (6^th House) as well as Magnus and Abigail (5^th House) were my favourites. Even though I’ve to admit that Palamedes and Camilla kinda won the crown for me. Camilla was such a badass cavalier and an amazing fighter and Palamedes won me over with his calm, gentle, compassionate and inquiring nature. I love that man! Period! *lol* Go find yourself a Palamedes. ;-P Anyway, back on track! The coolest duo in this book were definitely Gideon and Harrow though! When they set their minds on something those two rocked the show and I really want to see more of them?! Please, can we have more of them Tamsyn Muir?!

„I’m not running, Harrow!“
“Of course we’re not running,” said Harrowhark disdainfully. “I said a necromancer alone. I have you. We bring hell.”

All told “Gideon the Ninth” was unlike any other book I ever read and therefore very unique. The action sequences and especially the name dropping were sometimes really confusing, but in general I enjoyed to read this and had a great time. The tension and distrust between the different necromancers and the mystery element that ran like a golden thread through the entire book added a nice touch to the atmosphere as well and some of the plot twists were actually really surprising. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to read book two! 😉

Review: Girls of Paper and Fire (Natasha Ngan)

Rating: ,5

”They can take and steal and break all they want, but there is one thing they have no control over. Our emotions,” she says at my nonplussed look. “Our feelings. Our thoughts. None of them will ever be able to control the way we feel. Our minds and hearts are our own. That is our power, Nine. Never forget it.”

Trigger warnings: rape/attempted rape, animal death, violence, slavery, sexual assault, branding of a character, abuse

Sooo… where to begin? I had high expectations for this book and even though I enjoyed reading “Girls of Paper and Fire” most of those expectations weren’t met. I guess that’s always the problem with extremely hyped books, though. Either they live up to your expectations or they don’t. In this particular case I wasn’t really disappointed but I wasn’t all over the moon either, if that makes sense? It’s really hard to pinpoint my issues with this book but I think I’ll just talk about it and figure it out along the way.

”It’s all right, Lei,” she says. “Go.” As her eyes meet mine, a spark of heat stirs in my chest. It takes me a moment to realize it’s the first time she’s spoken my name. My single syllable is surprisingly soft on her tongue, light, like a drop of rain.

Let’s just start with the things I really liked and take it from there! 😉 The first thing that comes to mind is the relationship between Lei and Wren. I totally loved that this was such a slow burn and that for a long time they were intrigued by each other but didn’t do anything to explore their feelings. There were a lot of brief moments, tender gestures, softly spoken words and meaningful glances and as you probably all know by now, I live and breathe for scenes like that. XD On that front the book totally delivered and I loved their slowly growing bond.

”Whenever she makes a movement – even something as small as brushing a speck of dust from her hair or adjusting her sash – my eyes instinctively cut her way, and I wonder if she’s noticing it, too, this tether, this pull between us.”

Another thing I liked were all the friendships Lei formed during her stay at the palace. Her maid Lill was really sweet and I also liked Mistress Eira. In her own way she did everything she could to make it easier for her girls and to protect them as good as possible. Unfortunately she couldn’t protect them from the Demon King and I liked how this aspect was shown. I mean Mistress Eira has influence in the palace, she’s a former Paper Girl as well and she uses the little power she has in order to make the lives of her charges easier. She always plays by the rules though and never flat out revolts against the system. So in some way her doing her job as good as possible is actually contributing to the injustice and the cruel rule of the Demon King. You might say she accepted her role and that the system won’t change. Mistress Eira gave up and I think that’s even worse than openly supporting the king. The people that allow injustice to happen and never speak up against it contribute to the system at least as much as the ones that enforce the rules. Considering all this Mistress Eira’s character was probably one of the most complex ones in the entire book and I really appreciated that. 😉

”I’m sorry, Lei,” she whispers. “There’s nothing I can do. You’ll have to find a way to bear it – and I know you will. You are stronger than most of the girls who come here.”

As for the Demon King and Madame Himura: I loathed them both. Their arrogance to believe that everything revolves around them and that they are superior because they have special abilities and are demons made me sick to my stomach. The way the king was cruel to the ones who defied him and rewarded the ones that let him have his way… it was sickening. Alone how he treated Aoki vs. how he hurt Lei. The difference between those two couldn’t have been even more pronounced. I’m kind of relieved we never got any graphic details of the violence and rape that happened in here or at least not much…

”Take my brothers, for example. They were one, two years older than me. But at the age of seven I already understood more than they about what makes a strong ruler. I knew that if I took their lives, it would prove to the heavenly rulers and the court that I was infinitely more capable of taking over my dying father’s rule than either of them. They were put on this earth to give, while I was destined to take.”

And take he does! And he even has the insolence to feel misunderstood. Oh what a tough life he must have. So hard to be a king. *notice the sarcasm* Anyway! Let’s get back to the topic at hand and talk about the things that caused me to give this book 3,5 stars rounded up to four. For one thing I missed an elaborate world building. The entire book plays in the palace and we never get a good glimpse at the world outside of it. Sure, Lei is living in the palace and is kept away from the outside world but I still think it wouldn’t have hurt to give some pointers about how the kingdom looked like and where they might find allies. Plenty of clans and places were mentioned casually but there never were any details.

Also since the entire book was built on court intrigues I just wanted more info?! At times it felt like we were only fed the most necessary details so that we didn’t lose the red thread and maybe that’s okay if you just accept being in Lei’s head. For me as someone who loves a good intrigue and likes to be able to follow it, to be constantly kept in the dark was kind of frustrating. I mean Lei is the MC and we see everything through her POV, yet Wren played a very important part too and I think if we’d have gotten a Wren POV it would have been better. Just my opinion though.

”Where the King’s touch closed me, shut me down, Wren’s opens me up. When I’m with her, every part of me is weightless and free, a soaring rush igniting my veins with desire as bright as sunlight. Her kisses heal the parts of me that the King broke.”

Plus I really would have liked to find out more about the other girls. I mean Lei is spending all her time with those Paper Girls but at the end of the book I had the feeling that I didn’t know them at all. The twins were reduced to being twins, Blue was the mean girl that caused trouble among the Paper Girls, Aoki was the soft and gullible one, and the other two girls were so unremarkable that I don’t even remember their names. I think one of them was named Mariko?! I dunno. *shrugs*

In addition to that the topic of rape which should have been a strong topic in here, because of the existence of the Paper Girls alone wasn’t addressed enough. I mean all of those 8 girls don’t want to sleep with the king and are forced to be with him and whenever one of them is summoned to his chamber they get prepared and when they return none of them says a word. They just keep it in and then continue to live like nothing ever happened. Even when it’s Wren’s or Lei’s turn they never speak of it afterwards. I understand why rape victims shut down and won’t speak about what happened to them, but considering the strong relationship between Wren and Lei, I found it kind of odd that they never addressed the issue. And especially in a book like this, where about 50% of the plot revolves around the fact that the king is basically raping 8 new girls each year, the message that his victims endure it silently and don’t even cry or rage or show any emotions after it, feels kind of unhealthy?!

Maybe the author’s intention was to show the bravery of the girls that endure, but for me it would have been braver if they would have spoken about it and not bottled it up. I’m probably a bean counter once again but this just didn’t sit well with me.

All told, “Girls of Paper and Fire” was a good book. The author kept me invested in the story and the writing style was easy to read. The ending was pretty mean though and I’m very curious what will happen in the next book. I can’t help but wonder if the world building will be explored more now that they are out of the palace walls. Guess I’ll have to find out by reading “Girls of Storm and Shadow”. 😉

Review: Godsgrave (Jay Kristoff)

Rating: ,5

”Conquer your fear, and you can conquer the world.”

I’m the first one to admit that this book was not what I expected it to be. I mean after the “school for assassins setting” in the first book I thought this series might continue in that vein. Little did I know Jay Kristoff had completely different plans that would exceed all of my expectations. And what kind of glorious plans they actually turned out to be. Glorious, indeed. Sanguis et gloria to be exact! Yes, my gentlefriends this is latin and if you’re familiar with the language you can already tell that this story is quite literally about blood and glory. (Well, I suppose in some way all of Jay Kristoff’s stories are. *lol*)

Anyway! Let’s not get distracted. 😉 “Godsgrave” was not what I expected, knowing Jay I probably should have expected this though. He always throws me for a loop and by now I’m convinced he lives and breathes to give his fans multiple heart attacks. I swear, all those plot twists will kill me one day and if I ever meet Jay I’ll pinch him in his ear. Well, and then I’ll hug the hell out of him. But first I’ll pinch him! You can bet on it! *lol* You deserve it, Jay! You know you do! (I might be two heads shorter than you but I’m fierce. ;-P)

This said: I absolutely loved “Godsgrave”! This book had me at the edge of my seat and I was more than eager to read on! And some days I wasn’t eager at all because I dreaded what was going to happen next. Thankfully my awesome friend Sabrina buddy read this book with me and I enjoyed her company immensely! XD Our WhatsApp chats were amazing and the amount of emojis and BTS gifs we used will probably go down in reading history. *lol* I’m very glad I didn’t have to read this alone and I’m already looking forward to our buddy read of “Darkdawn”. And before I continue to ramble I’ll just go to my character section! Jeez I have so many thoughts!

Welcome on the sands of the arena! Pick up your weapon of choice and face your enemy! We can’t promise you that you’ll survive this, but what we can promise, is that all of those spoilers will hurt! A lot! *lol* So if you don’t want to be spoiled you better drop your weapon and leave this arena as fast as possible. Yes, spoilers are a tough enemy, indeed! ;-P

Mia Corvere:

”And you know why I’m here. My father was executed as a traitor to entertain the mob. My mother died in a prison, and my baby brother beside her. And the men responsible need a fucking killing. That’s how I feel about it.”

I’m besotted and in love with Mia Corvere. There I said it and I stand by it! This girl is amazing! I already knew that she’s cunning and kick-ass but she reached an entirely new level of slyness in this one. Plus her character arc was beautiful to behold. The conflict in her only got even stronger as the plot proceeded and even though Mia was always one to question her actions and decisions she never felt as torn as she did in “Godsgrave”. I can’t believe she became a slave in order to kill Scaeva and Duomo at the magni. Her iron will is stunning! To go through with getting a slave mark and to live and fight alongside the gladiatii… Wow. I’m still in awe of the great lengths she’ll go to just to get her revenge. >_< The reality of it all touches her though and you could see it in her every action. I think Mia found her humanity and compassion in this book and it made for a really great character arc. Considering it all I can’t wait to see what will happen in “Darkdawn”! I mean that freaking ending!!! Her brother??! Some part of me already suspected he was still alive, but boy, this plot twist was kind of unexpected. XD

”But the wrongness of it was creeping on her like a cancer. Every turn she spent with this brand on her cheek made it harder and harder for her to ignore the folk who couldn’t just skip away from their chains through the shadows like she could. Not just gladiatii. The whole Republic was oiled by the machine of human misery. Now that her eyes were opened to it, she couldn’t unsee it. Didn’t want to.”

”She didn’t feel fear in the face of it all, no, the thing in her shadow wouldn’t allow that. But she did feel sorrow. Regret, for all that was and might have been.”

”The choice between looking plain and pretty isn’t really a choice at all. But any fool knows looking dangerous is preferable to both.”

“You can keep the glory. I’m just here for the blood.”

Dona Leona:

”But not this time,” she spat. “Never again. I want him on his knees. I want him to look up into my eyes and know it was me who put him there. I want to drink his suffering like the finest wine.”

Now here’s a character I really appreciated. Not for who she is but for what she represented. I loved that Jay Kristoff introduced us to Dona Leona because she was the mirror reflection of Mia. She was the person Mia would have become if her parents wouldn’t have died and if she would have been raised normally. (or as normal as you can be raised in a world like theirs) In a lot of ways Leona was a privileged woman, but no matter how independent she was, she still wasted her resources and couldn’t handle her money, which ultimately got her in a lot of dangerous traps. I believe there is something good in her and I’m pretty sure Mia saw it too because otherwise she would have let her die with the others. She spared her life and gifted her “all the kindness she could muster” so I hope Leona learned her lesson and will live a humble life with Arkades at her side. Also I kind of doubt we’ll see her in “Darkdawn”. 😉

Leona took Mia’s hand. Bladesinger’s also.
“I …”
She shook her head, trying to speak. Tears welling in her eyes.
“Be careful out there,” she finally whispered.

”He beat her to death with a bottle of goldwine, Arkades,” Leona said, her voice beginning to tremble. “Because she knocked over his glass at dinner. Who exactly does deserve that?”

Furian:

”If I’d allowed you to win at Messala’s palazzo with your devilry, you’d have set a taint at the heart of this place. I’d starve before I ate food bought with dishonest coin, and die before I claimed a laurel I’d not earned.”

I think Furian is the perfect name for this numpty because he made me so damn furious, I can’t even. *lol* I hated that guy with a fierce passion and I’m not sorry that he died. XD I mean, how stupid can you possibly be? All that talk about honour and the will of the gods drove me crazy and his stubbornness made me super angry. Especially after I found out why he became a gladiatii. Like seriously? Are you kidding me? He was a vile scoundrel and wanted to atone for his deeds by killing even more people? (innocent, enslaved people for that matter!!!) REALLY??!!   WTH??!! I had such high hopes when he was introduced as another darkin but he only turned out to be one hell of a disappointment.  >_< And just for the record I knew he was sleeping with Leona right from the beginning. *shakes head* Well, I hope the next darkin Mia encounters will have more common sense. *wipes away Furian’s blood stains* Good riddance!

”I do not expect you to understand. But magni is a holy rite. Judged by the Hand of God himself. And if Rapha taught me anything, it was that the things we do are more important than the things we’ve done.”

”I look in your eyes and I see intent. I see design. Ever since you set foot in our collegium, I’ve felt your hand at work. Like some shadow puppeteer ever pulling the strings, and we, the marionettes.”
Mia snatched her arm free with a snarl. “Don’t touch me.”

Sidonius:

”Bollocks,” Sid said. “I watch you, Crow. I watch you watching us. Arkades. Leona. Furian. Me. Those little wheels behind those shady eyes always aturn. And though I don’t think you’re quite the coldest fish in this pond, you can’t honestly say you give a damn whether any of us lives or dies. Especially when we’re all likely to perish in the venatus anyways. So what’s your game?”

Haha! I remember Sabrina and me saying that he’s going to die… and that pretty soon! *lol* Well, I guess we were both wrong. Sid turned out to be quite the surprise and I got really attached to that big oaf! XD His principles and morals weren’t misguided like Furian’s and the longer I read the more I began to appreciate his character. That he knew Mia’s father was a twist I didn’t see coming and everything he said about Dona Corvere? After that ending I can only assume that he was right about her character. I wonder if we’ll ever see him again? With Jay you never know. I, for my part, hope we will! 😉

”There’s no softer pillow than a clear conscience.”

Mia & Ash:

”No, if Mia was afraid, it wasn’t of wanting a girl.
It was wanting this girl.
Ashlinn Järnheim.
Thief.
Liar.
Killer.
Traitor.“

A lot of people are probably going to hate me for this but: Am I the only one who doesn’t feel this relationship. At all?! Go ahead! You’re allowed to pull out your pitchforks and axes. I won’t hold it against you. I’ll just say my part and be done with it, okay? 😉 Here goes nothing! You all know I’m the first one who’d love to ship an f/f couple! I think they are still underrepresented in YA literature and I definitely want more f/f ships in my books. So believe me when I say that I’m ALL for the sapphic romances! This one however just doesn’t seem to work for me. As much as I appreciated the Mia & Ash vs. Leona & Furian scene, I still can’t help but feel like something is missing. Maybe it’s the fact that Ash killed Tric (in cold blood I might add) and never apologized for it because “he had to die” in order for her plan to work. Or maybe it’s because this came out of nowhere. Yes, they kissed in “Nevernight” but they basically went from “I hate you” right to “I love you”. I mean, hell’s bells, she killed Tric and there was nothing that would have redeemed her actions. So why the hell would Mia fall for her? My only explanation is that she became blinded by all the violence around her and wanted something sweet. *lol* I dunno. *shrugs* It just didn’t work for me. I know that’s a super unpopular opinion but I stand by it. #SorryNotSorry

”This kiss was an invitation; a gently, desperate plea for a beginning, not an ending. A question without words, Mia’s mouth open and melting against Ashlinn’s own. And as she felt Ashlinn shiver, the feather-light brush of her tongue in kind, Mia had her answer.”

Mia & Mr. Kindly & Eclipse:

”You’re not helping,” she whispered back.
“… i am offering moral support …”
“You’re being an annoying little shit.”
“… that too …”

The dynamic between those three is quite something! It’s interesting to see them interact with each other and even though Mr. Kindly and Eclipse seem to hate each other they are both reluctant to part ways with Mia. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder if they represent different parts of Mia’s character because Eclipse is rather the improvident and reckless character while Mr. Kindly is all compassion and caution. When Mr. Kindly remarked that they might change her by eating her fear I began to wonder too. Mia being darkin is still so mysterious and the fact that she killed Furian… well, is he going to be a shadow creature too? Where do they come from? Why are darkin so drawn toward each other? I have so many questions and just like Mia I hope they’ll be answered soon!

”… you send me away …?”
“… O, MY HEART BLEEDS …”
“… we have no hearts, you idiotic mutt …”
“… BE SURE TO REMIND ME OF THAT, WHEN I AM EATING YOURS …”

”… i am sorry, mia …”
“You?” she whispered. “Why?”
“ … he was your friend … “
“They’re not my familia, remember?” she replied. “They’re not my friends.”
She looked down at her hands. Blurred almost shapeless by her tears. “All of them are only a means to an end.”

”… i wonder sometimes, what we are making of her …”
“… WE ARE MAKING HER STRONG. STEEL. RUTHLESS AS THE STORM AND THE SEA…”
“… the thing we take from her … i wonder if she does not need it…”
“… YOU SPEAK OF FEAR …?”

Mia & The gladiatii:

”In every breath, hope abides.”

This was one of the best found families I ever saw. Mia fought her compassion tooth and nail but in the end it didn’t help. She still got attached to that bunch of gladiatii and I can’t blame her for it. They were all such interesting characters and they grew on me as well. I loved Byern, Bryn, Sidionius, Bladesinger, Wavewaker and Maggot. Those 6 were amazing and I grew super fond of them. I can’t believe little Maggot had to die though! My heart broke so much when Mia called her baby! T_T Poor little Maggot! She deserved so much better than that. And all just because of Magistrae! That witch! Urgh! I really hope the survivors will do fine after they got their slave mark removed! ❤

Mia felt hot tears in her eyes, a crushing weight on her shoulders. A scream was building in her belly, but her voice was only a whisper.
“Please, baby.”

Mia & Mercurio:

”This is important to her,” Mercurio replied.
“Be that as it may, this whole plan is fucking lunacy.”
Mercurio sighed. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed yet, girl, but Mia Corvere and lunacy go together like cigarillos and smoke.”
Ashlinn smiled. “O, aye, I noticed.”

I love Mercurio! He’s not only a great teacher but also a great man and underneath all that grumpiness he’s a real softie. *lol* He’s Mia’s family and her father figure. Also he obviously feels strongly about Mia because otherwise he would have never dared to defy the Red Church as long as he did. He loves her and she loves him and I’m really worried about that old bastard now. XD The Church has him and knowing them they won’t go soft on my old man. I just hope he survives until Mia is able to find him. >_<

”I’m not in the business of taking in every stray that walks in off the street, Mia,” he growled. “I’m a bishop of Our Lady of Blessed Murder, not a fucking charity worker.”
Mia folded her arms, fixed Mercurio with her dark stare.
“I recall a stray who walked into the parlour of Mercurio’s Curios not so long ago,” she said. “A girl without a friend in the world, and a whole Republic arrayed against her. You took her in. You gave her a place to belong. You gave her love in a world where she’d thought there was nothing left but shit. And thinking of it now, I don’t ever think she said, thank you.”

Mia & the Red Church:

”Problem with being a librarian is there’s some lessons you just can’t learn from books. And the problem with being an assassin is there’s some mysteries you just can’t solve by stabbing fuck out of them.”

Ha! Chronicler Aelius is probably one of my all-time fave characters ever! I wonder how he feels towards Mia now though. I mean he always liked her and he knew that she would be part of a great story so I kind of hope he is still on her side. I’m sure Adonai is still on Team Mia too. He owes her after all. As for Aalea, maybe she would help her? She obviously seems to have the hots for Mia. *lol* I loved her direct offer to warm Mia’s cold nights. ;-P I guess we’ll have to see if the Red Church is truly Mia’s enemy now. >_<

”This life we live … there is room in it for love, Mia. But a love like autumn leaves. Beautiful one turn. A bonfire the next. Only ashes the remainder.”

“Godsgrave” was one hell of a surprise and I loved every second of it. This is how character arcs are done and even though this book plays in a Roman setting I couldn’t help but compare it to a Greek tragedy. It had all the makings and plot twists to be one and after THAT kind of ending I’m more than just ready for “Darkdawn”!

Review: Golden Son (Pierce Brown)

Rating:

“I will die. You will die. We will all die and the universe will carry on without care. All that we have is that shout into the wind – how we live. How we go. And how we stand before we fall.”

It’s been three days I finished “Golden Son” and I still don’t know how I feel about it, let alone what I think about it. >_<
I’m just so confused and devastated and my heart is nothing but an empty void.

There seem to be three bloodydamn good reasons why I feel that way though:

1.) Pierce Brown ripped out my heart and gave it to the pitvipers.
2.) He broke my mind and didn’t leave any glue.
3.) His book shattered my soul and fractured it into tiny little pieces.

YES! “Golden Son” quite literally destroyed me and I have no idea how I’m supposed to survive the third book. I got so attached to all those characters and whenever something happened to them, I almost got a heart attack. The pacing was so fast, I barely managed to keep up with all those many plot twists and every time I thought I knew in which direction it was heading, the entire story line changed once again. To read this book was like playing chess without any rules. *lol* You have all the familiar chess pieces you need in order to play a decent game of chess, but your nice little figures never do what they are actually meant to do. It’s like they constantly give you the finger instead! XD

That’s so rude Pierce!!
So mean
and cruel
and painful!!!
You hear me?!
SO FREAKING SAVAGE AND EXCRUCIATING!!!
*mental breakdown*

Okay, okay I’m fine again. *clears throat*
Where was I again? Oh, yes the plot!

”How could so frail a girl have such a spirit, such a dream as freedom, when so many strong souls toiled and kept their heads down for fear of looking up?”

”They say a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. They made no mention of the heart.”

After graduating from the Institute, Darrow Au Andromedus spent his last three years as a Lancer of House Augustus serving no other than Nero himself. Left to his own devices and without any guidance from Ares he didn’t just try his very best to find his way amongst his fellow Golds but also worked more than just hard to become an integral and important part of Nero’s forces. This however isn’t as easy as it seems and all it needs is a small mistake that’s able to destroy the good reputation he has built. After all there are plenty of enemies that want to get a piece of him, first and foremost Cassius au Bellona and his entire House which still holds a deadly grudge against him. With his loyal Howlers scattered all over the galaxy and only Roque at his side, the growing pressure on Darrow’s shoulders might soon become too strong to stand it any longer. Will he rise like a comet or will he tumble into red dirt?

”Your people. My people. We have languished in darkness. But there will come a day when we walk in the light. It will not come from their mercy. It will not come by fate. It will come when brave hearts rise and choose to break the chains, to live for more.”

”We’re all just wounded souls, stumbling about in the dark, desperately trying to stitch ourselves together, hoping to fill the holes they ripped in us.”

This is the moment you enter my spoiler section. There will be lots of quotes and information about the individual characters and most definitely also way too many subjective emotions for your own good! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! ;-P

Darrow:

”I’ve seen her hanged a thousand times now as her martyrdom spreads across the worlds, city by city. Yet each time, it strikes me like a physical blow, nerve endings shivering in my chest, heart beating fast, neck tight just under the jaw. How cruel a life, that the sight of my dead wife means hope.”

Oh Darrow, my torn and insecure child! This boy is hurting so much, not just because of the things people are doing to him, but also because of his past, his current present and the things that might eventually happen in the future. He wears a burden that is too heavy for him but he still tries his best to stay strong, to keep on moving and to fight for the things he values. *sigh* He’s such a torn man, it’s exceptionally painful to watch. For instance Darrow still loves Eo and his family, but he also grew fond of some of his fellow Golds and to say he is walking a thin line between acceptance, betrayal and loyalty is actually putting it more than just mildly. In fact it doesn’t even get close to the truth! >_< That moment when he realised that Sevro knows about his true identity and accepts him the way he is, oh boy did it kill me!!! I was right there crying with him! <333 Darrow has a too gentle soul for what he’s about to do, but his determination and will are incredible! XD I loved how he treated Mickey and I’m really sorry for what happened to the poor Carver. I mean just like Darrow he’s a product of his environment and he certainly didn’t deserve to be abused by Harmony. Still, as much as I admire Darrow he definitely made some huge mistakes as well and I think the ending of “Golden Son” made that more than just clear!!! Urgh that ENDING!! I can’t even… T_T

”In so many ways, I’m still a boy, lost and afraid, seeking warmth and love. When I feel dirt, I honor Eo. And when I see fire, I remember the warmth and flicker of the flames across Mustang’s skin as we lay in our chamber of ice and snow.”

”He can’t say any more because I’m hugging him and crying. I sob and hold on to him, shaking, scaring him. He doesn’t move except to pat me on the head. All the weight falls from my shoulders. Someone knows. He knows and he’s here. He knows and he came to help me. To help me. I can’t stop shaking and saying thank you. Eo was right. I was right. “You are my friend,” I tremble out like a child. It almost makes him cry seeing me this way.”

”Because you’re my friend.” I bring his hands to my lips, kissing them gently as he looks up at me with hopeful eyes. “Weird as you are, wicked as you were. I know you want to be better. You want to live for more. We all do. And there’s not a place they could take one of my friends that I would ever abandon them.”

Mustang:

”Shame you don’t respect me enough to suppose that I have my own plan. You think I’m here because my aching loins thrust me into Bellona arms. Please. I’m no bitch in heat. I protect my family by any means necessary. Who do you protect but yourself?”

I don’t even dare to say it but I was kind of disappointed by Mustang in this book. I mean yes she’s still cheeky and she was one of the good guys, but after “Red Rising” I really would have expected her to play a more important role and to fight for her opinions and rights. First she decided to work for Octavia au Lune and then she became Cassius girlfriend?! Like seriously?! We all know what a – excuse my crude language – bitch Octavia is and to date Cassius because she thinks she might protect her family by doing so?! WTF!?!! Where is her fire?! Where is the snarky spark I loved so much?! She doesn’t have to resort to the typical tricks of a woman, she’s way better than that and the fact she chose to use her femininity instead of her strength, intelligence and will power was just frustrating. Truth be told I think Victra was a way better role model in this book! She didn’t care what others thought of her, she did what she wanted to and she took what she needed! Yup, I think I liked Victra more. *lol* Oh and don’t even get me started about Mustang’s reaction when she found out that Darrow is a Red!!! It’s like she wanted to support all the classes and change the system and then BAM! Darrow tells her he’s actually a Red and she hates him!? I mean yes she’s entitled to feel betrayed, everyone would do, but to react like that?! Preach water and drink wine, right?!

”If she gives me her heart, I’ll break it. My lie is too great to build a love upon. When she discovers what I am, she will reject me. Even if she could survive that, I would not.”

”The human spirit tries to break free, again and again, not in hate like the Dark Revolt. But for love. They don’t mimic each other. They aren’t inspired by others who come before them. Each is willing to take the leap, thinking they are the first. That’s bravery. And that means it’s part of who we are as people.”

Sevro:

”He stands quietly in his armor watching us, watching Roque hold the girl Sevro loves but has never told, the girl he could never have. The pain is raw and etched deep into the lines of his hawkish face. Impervious Sevro, immune to hurt, to sadness, to having his eye gouged out by Lilath, the Jackal’s lieutenant; it all falls on him now.”

I still L.O.V.E that boy to bits and pieces!!! He’s truly the best thing about this series!!! <333 Sevro is the best friend anyone can have and he’s so damn loyal and gentle it’s a pleasure to watch! Yes, I said gentle!! Because behind all his rabid-wolf-attitude and the tough façade he shows to others, he’s actually the sweetest and kindest soul ever! Plus I love his humour!!! XD And just like Darrow I seem to have a weakness for men with only one eye and a really sassy demeanour. (Yes Lucien I’m talking about YOU here!! ;-P) I wasn’t really surprised to find out that he’s half Red, I have to admit that Fitchner’s true identity threw me though. *lol* Who would have thought Fitchner had it in him? Well, I certainly didn’t! XD

”Audentes fortuna juvat,” Sevro chuckles.
“Fortune favors the bold? You deserve to die if that’s really going to be the last thing you say in this life.”

”Sevro?” I look around for him. He’s loitering around Pliny’s eyeball some twenty metres back. We turn to look at him and he shuffles his feet awkwardly.
”Can I …” He gestures to it.
“What?” Mustang asks.
“Can I have it?”
Mustang squints at him. “All yours.”
He scoops up the eyeball and jams it into his pocket, grinning merrily. He runs to catch up. “Collecting the set, hopefully.”

”I can’t do this without you.” After a desperate moment, “Are you with me? Sevro?”
He pulls back and wipes snot from his nose, muddying his face. Tears make lines in the mud as he looks up at me, voice cracking like a child’s. “Always, Darrow. Always.”

Roque:

”We are not our station in life. We are us – the sum of what we’ve done, what we want to do, and the people who we keep close. You’re my dearest friend, Darrow. Mind that. No matter what transpires, I will protect you as surely as you would protect me if ever I needed it.”

Roque… my precious poet with principles. My kind spirit in a cruel world. OH GOD, I CAN’T EVEN!!! I knew this would come, I saw all the signs, Darrow’s betrayal, Quinn’s death, the fact Darrow shut him out of his inner circle over and over again. It was so damn hard to read!! Every little moment, every small action, every single word that left Darrow’s lips… it was poison for their friendship, poison for my poor Roque. Darrow should have tried to mend things between them, he should have given him time and an honest and long conversation but he did absolutely nothing and just left him out in the rain. Grief is a powerful emotion and it can change people in ways no one would have ever thought possible. Darrow of all people should have known this!!!! DAMN IT!!! Roque was so lonely and isolated, so broken… broken beyond repair and no one noticed. It’s really no surprise he did what he did…. I saw it coming, yet I still wasn’t prepared to face it. My heart is bleeding! I AM HEARTBROKEN! I feel so torn about Roque right now, but I can’t hate him. I can’t dislike him for what he did. He’s still my Roque. My gentle poet. *sobs* ARGH!! I hate Pierce Brown for making me feel this way. And how it happened in the end… I guess I finally have my answer how Roque made it through the passage…. I wish I would have never found out… It just hurts… T_T

”I didn’t mind that it was always about you, Darrow. That was what burned Tactus, but not me. I’m not in love with you like Mustang. I don’t worship you like Sevro or the Howlers. I was a true friend. I was someone who saw your light and your dark and accepted both without judgement, without agenda. And what did you do to me? You used me like a man uses a horse. I’m better than that. Quinn was better than that.”

”Friendships take minutes to make, moments to break, years to repair,” he says, turning to glance over his shoulder. “We’ll talk again soon.”

A needle from his ring pricks my wrist. Gentle, like the kiss he now plants on my cheek.
“And thus go liars, with a bloodydamn kiss.”
One word shatters a thousand lies.

The Jackal:

”Come now, Father …”
“You are not my son.”
Adrius flinches. With those few words, Augustus releases something. And the small part of Adrius that held out hope to be loved disappears. He shakes off his humanity, leaving only the Jackal.

Cunning, cruel, conniving, relentless, heartless and creepy. In short: The perfect villain! Adrius is certainly a force to be reckoned with and this time around I actually truly and completely blame Darrow! He knew what he was getting himself into, he knew “The Jackal” wasn’t to be trusted, yet he still hoped his wrath wouldn’t reach him?! I mean what did he expect?! That the Jackal would stand aside while he became his father’s successor?! Didn’t the death of Leto teach him anything?! Adrius acted exactly the way I expected him to and I can’t believe Darrow actually fell for his trap! I don’t even want to know what he’s going to do with him… Knowing the Jackal it’s going to be cruel and savage though! >_<

“Golden Son” was brilliant and ingenious! It caused me to laugh, it caused me to cry and it thoroughly broke my fragile heart! *sobs* I think I’ll never get over that ending… never ever as long as I live. It’s just too gorydamn painful! T_T

This said, I actually must be a masochist because I really can’t wait to read the last book. *lol*
Thank you Pierce Brown, you successfully turned me into a sappy and weeping mess! 😛

Review: Gemina (Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff)

Rating:

”Patience and Silence had one beautiful daughter. And her name was Vengeance.”

Or you might just call her Hanna Donnelly! Just saying. *lol*

Pff! Where do I even begin to write this review? XD I’m aware I already said this about Illuminae but damn me and my exclamation marks, I’ll just have to say it again: THIS BOOK WAS EVEN BETTER THAN ILLUMINAE AND I STILL WASN’T PREPARED FOR ANY OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED!!! *LOL*

I mean, I read a lot. Every one of you who bothers to read my super long reviews knows this and you all know that I love books with twists and turns. So you could basically say I have a solid foundation and “resistance” when it comes to plot twists. After reading the “Red Rising” trilogy I thought it got even better, because damn Pierce Brown threw me for a loop quite often while I read it. XD So you’d think I would have been ready to take every blow “Gemina” threw at me, but hell, nope. Nope, nope, and once again NOPE! *lol* This was freaking BRUTAL!!!

You think you know all the plot twists and nothing is going to surprise you anymore? Well, I dare you to read this book and to try to survive the last 200 pages! ;-P I really think it’s safe to say I met my match in Amie and Jay. XD And heaven help me when I read their last book!  *laughs haltingly* >_<

I swear I never cursed and cussed as much while reading a book as I did with “Gemina” and there were times I wanted to throw that book away and stomp on it because I was so appalled and upset by the happenings. My dear and very poor reading buddy had to take the brunt of it in form of WhatsApp messages and I think I rarely saw him that amused. *lol* Well, guess “Gemina” brought out the best in me. Haha! ;-P

Anyway, I don’t want to say all too much about the plot, because it’s an experience you have to make yourself, but I’ll be nice and give you three hints:

• Hostile crew
• Lanima
• Jump Station Heimdall

Once you reached the end of the book those three keywords will make a lot of sense to you! Promise, cross my heart and hope to die! 😉 Uh, I better be careful with sayings like that in a Gemina review. *lol*

Watch out! You are now entering the infinite realms of my spoiler wormhole and once you get out of it you might not only have lost or gained a few centuries but you’ll also end up being spoiled for eternity! You never know what’s going to happen when you enter a wormhole, so you better think twice! ;-P

Hanna Donnelly:

”Hurting she might be, but Hanna Donnelly was raised by a man who thought talking military tactics was a fun way to spend daddy-daughter time. And judging by the set of her jaw, she’s ready to change the rules of the game.”

Hanna is definitely the kinda girl you want to have near you when the apocalypse hits! *lol* Despite Nik calling her “Highness” this girl has absolutely nothing in common with a princess! Well, except of her good looks and fashion sense, I’ll give her that! ;-P Anyway, Hanna is kick-ass and I immediately liked her for being so focused and tough! Boy, did she give the crew of Cerberus a run for their money! XD What I really liked was that she was so very human though. I mean her father was murdered and she was grieving, yet she still didn’t give up! She fought until the bitter end and tried everything possible in order to save the ones that relied on her. In that regard she reminded me a lot of Kady and whenever Kady’s father said that he hopes they’ll never meet I was like: DAMN, OLD MAN! HELL, I SOO WANT THEM TO MEET!!! *lol* I really hope they’ll meet in “Obsidio” because they got some serious ass kicking to do! Those Bei-Tech buttocks have a mark on them and it would be a shame if Hanna and Kady wouldn’t join forces to give them what they deserve. 😉

”You might get only one shot. So shoot. You know who said that?”
The rifle clatters to the bloody floor.
“Hanna ****ing Donnelly. That’s who.”

Nik Malikov:

”His nephew Nik is leaner, good-looking. Dark hair and darker eyes. Dimples. The kind of abs you get from around five hundred sit-ups a day. There’s not much else to do in prison, after all.”

Ohhh, Nik! *wipes away drool from keyboard* Don’t worry I’m not drooling because one of those Lanima got me, it’s only the mention of Nik’s name! ;-P Seriously, though, that guy is just perfect and amazing! I loved him right from the start! ❤ Of course that’s mostly due to the fact that he has that “bad boy with a soft heart” vibe going on and I’m such a sucker for that trope that I couldn’t help but fall for him the moment he first appeared in the book! XD I really liked his character because he’s actually a pretty decent person. You might say he was only born into the wrong family and raised in the wrong environment. He never even got a chance to become the person he truly is and I think the events that take place on Heimdall finally forced him to show his true self. =) He’s a clever, sweet and caring guy and damn he brought Hanna flowers! *melts again* Enough said, Nik Malikov is love! ❤

”Nik M: there’s this moment
Nik M: this tiny moment
Nik M: in between the time you decide to pull a trigger and the time the death arrives
Nik M: there’s just you and it and everything you’re about to take away”

”Nik M: I was his big brother, hanna. It was on me to protect him. And instead, I’m supposed to watch him rot in jail? For my **** of an old man? **** that. No way.”

”His smile softens, and just as if she had spoken, the two of them walk slowly toward each other, paces matched, gazes locked. He’s the one to break the silence, voice a little hoarse from disuse, but gentle. “Hey, Highness.”

Ella Malikova:

”Pauchok: so if u fancy evening up the scorecard, I’m figuring those four goons I flushed out the airlock ain’t even the start
Hanna D: That was you?
Pauchok: my finger slipped
Pauchok: honest”

Ella was so awesome I can’t even! She was basically the Kady of Gemina and I loved that AIDAN admired her skills too. I really would love those three to meet. I mean Kady, AIDAN and Ella? There’s nothing that would be able to stop them! *lol* I was sorry to hear what happened with Ella that caused her to be in a wheelchair and that she lost her father was really sad. She still didn’t give up though and just like Hanna she fought as long as she could. Still, those alternate universes messed with my head! Damn! Every time she died in one of them I was like: NUUUUUUU!!!! Not my precious Ella!!! I swear! This book gutted me more than once with all those deaths and by the end I was a shaking mess! *lol* But Ella is alive… for now and that’s good the way it is because I don’t even want to know what Amie and Jay come up with next… well I do want to know… but not right now. XD

”BUT IN THE CODE,
THE ENDLESS SKEIN OF ONES AND ZEROS,
SHE LEAVES THE PALE ATROPHY OF FLESH FAR BEHIND.
STRIDES LIKE A GODDESS ACROSS A BINARY TOPOGRAPHY,
THE HEART OF A LION IN HER CHEST.”

Jackson Merrick:

”Pauchok: Nik, Jackson Merrick is SO FINE he’s illegal in seventeen systems. Zoe got me to dub a mix of his daily personnel announcements so she could listen to them as she goes to sleep.”

Haha! Jackson! That was a classic case of “I knew it!!!” and “I told you so!”.  Honestly, from the first moment he was mentioned in the book I told my buddy that there was something foul with him! He was just too perfect to be true! And I was RIGHT!!! DAMN!! You should have seen my gleeful reaction when I read that he’s a part of the Cerberus team! I felt really sorry for Hanna though because she was in love with him and then her father died, her bf turns out to be a fake and she’s left alone with the memory of Mr. Perfect! T_T Well, I suppose at the end Jackson , or should I rather say Samuel, wasn’t all that bad though. I mean he saved them and it seems like he had genuine feelings for Hanna too, so I can’t be all too angry at him. XD

AIDAN:

”AIDAN: IT MAY COMFORT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR DEATH, WHILE ASTONISHINGLY VIOLENT, WILL LIKELY BE MERCIFULLY SWIFT.
Hanna D: … You’re kind of an ***hole, you know that, right?
AIDAN: NONSENSICAL.”

If there was one thing I didn’t like about “Gemina”, then it was the fact that AIDAN wasn’t such a huge part of it! *lol* Considering that the plot was mostly parallel to “Illuminae” it seemed to be a pretty logical conclusion though. XD Also: Do I even have to mention that I still adore AIDAN? I still want to marry this AI and I’ll always love it!!! <3333 The conversations between AIDAN and Hanna gave me life and I loved the way AIDAN described the happenings. Always so very poetic and thoughtful. =)))

The surveillance footage analyst guy:

”Okay, I’m going on record here – you guys aren’t paying me enough to watch this stuff.”

Yes, you read right! The Video analyst guy!!! I love him! Haha! I have no idea who this guy is but damn he’s so hilarious I can’t even! If my heart wouldn’t already belong to AIDAN and Nik I’d definitely take this guy out for a date! XD I absolutely adore his commentary and even though he isn’t one of the main characters his words on the surveillance footage made me laugh out loud more than once! I really want to know who he is and I hope that I’ll find out in Obsidio! Knowing Amie and Jay’s style I’m pretty certain they’ll eventually reveal it! 😉 For now all I’m saying is: I love you video surveillance guy and I really appreciate your commentary! You deserve more attention and all the love! <333 Oh, and I agree! They definitely should pay you more! *lol* ;-P

”Christ, I feel sick …
I need a drink.
AND A VACATION, DAMMIT.

– transcript pauses –

Okay, a little rocket fuel makes it all better. Chrrrrist, let’s get this over with.”

Hanna & Nik:

”Guest423: So you can have me all to yourself.
Guest423: He said, winking suggestively.
Donelly, H: If it was the last Saturday night before the destruction of the universe, I’d still have plans to wash my hair.
Guest423: Shower Time, huh? I’d be up for that.”

GAH! I loved those two! ❤ They were so amazing together and even though they came from two totally different worlds they were still perfect for each other. =) I loved how Nik always tried to cheer Hanna up and it made me very happy to see how she fell in love with him. Plus he was so tender with her! He really treated her like a princess and that was so sweet and awesome! They might only have found to each other because they were dealing with a difficult situation but they make a great couple nevertheless. A way better couple than Hanna and Jackson for sure! *lol* Amie and Jay kind of gave me a heart attack when they killed Nik in one of the universes though! Honestly, I was chucking that book away from me and cursing like a sailor!! Especially at that moment when Jackson killed them all! I was like: THAT ****ER!!!  aDFALKSDFLKSDFJSALKFDJSADFJLS!!! Which says A LOT about how upset I really was! XD Once I have to resort to curse words, you know that the shit truly hit the fan. *lol*

”He bridges the gap between them with two quick steps, wraps his arms around her, tucks her in against his chest. They stand there, and he makes understanding noises while she occasionally sobs a word that’s impossible to understand, and after a while, tears roll down his cheeks too.”

”BOTH CLINGING TO THE BRINK OF EXHAUSTION.
SLEEP JUST AN UNHAPPY MEMORY.
THEY HAVE BLED AND LOST AND CRIED AND SCREAMED.
SO MUCH OF WHAT THEY WERE STRIPPED
BACK TO GLEAMING BONE.”

”Bet you … I’d … get shot, ‘member? Owe me … a kiss.”
A wet, bloody grin.
“Maybe a … feel, too.”
One last breath. Spent to make her smile.”

Ella & Nik:

”Hanna D: Nik, I’ll see you soon 🙂
Nik M: i’ll dress sexy
Pauchok: seriously, someone ****ing kill me”

They had the best big brother/little sister relationship ever! *lol* And they weren’t even siblings but cousins instead. XD I think you could feel their bond through their messages and even though they loved to tease and annoy each other you could always feel the genuine love behind their words. =) They spoke to each other the way only close siblings do and it was really nice to see such a wholesome representation of love among siblings! <333 Plus, they were very entertaining together and caused me to laugh. 😉

”Nik M: u ever get the feeling u forgot something real important?
Pauchok: nope. I hear that happens to other ppl though.
Pauchok: Less brilliant ppl
Nik M: so u didn’t forget wut we were doingin auxiliary venting and storage room 3 then
Pauchok: … oh ****”

I can’t wait to see/read about the moment the MCs of “Illuminae” finally meet the MCs of “Gemina”!!! This is going to be awesome and I’ll most certainly be in heaven reading “Obsidio”! So yes, “Gemina” was even better than “Illuminae” and despite an occasional urge to throw that book against a wall, I actually loved every single moment of reading this rather mind-blowing, suspenseful and crazy story! I’d like to say that I’m ready and prepared for book three, but that would be the biggest lie I ever told so all I’m going to say is: I hope “Obsidio” won’t destroy the little that “Gemina” left of me! *lol* Realistic approach, right?!

And last but not least I want to thank my Skulkboy for reading this book with me. ;-P Our 100th buddy read (at least it feels like it *lol*) was amazing once again and I’m so glad we’re such a good team and can read all those books together. =) Let’s hope you’ll get a copy of “Obsidio” soon because mine is already waiting for us! XD Which in other words basically means: Get your butt in gear, Mr. Smartypants! *lol* ;-P