A - E, Allgemein, D, Reviews

Review: Darkdawn (Jay Kristoff)

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Rating: 4 Pfoten

Book 19 on My Book List 2021

”Fear was Can’t.
Fear was Won’t.
But fear wasn’t ever a choice.”

In honour of this buddy read being with the Yoongi to my V, the one and only Paper Plane Nomad, a fellow BTS ARMY and the one who accepted me as the V to her Yoongi, I shall only be using Tae (aka V of BTS) gifs in this review! Let’s hope I can pull this off and won’t get bias wrecked every 3 seconds. *lol*

This said: Let’s start with the actual review!

As third books in a series go this was actually a good conclusion. Well, mostly at least. There were a lot of things I really enjoyed and a couple of new characters that got introduced which I immediately took to, but there were also some things I didn’t like and that made this final book a less enjoyable read than its predecessors. So what exactly were my issues? Well, for instance I missed a central theme throughout the entire book. In comparison to the other two (assassin academy & gladiatii) this one just seemed to be all over the place. Yes, there was finally the darkin story we’ve all been waiting for since “Nevernight”, but aside from that we just had too many other threads that played into the main plot.

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Plus the ending was certainly not what I expected and it sort of fell flat for me. I don’t even know what I expected but it was something totally different than what I got. *lol* It kind of felt surreal? Idk how to describe it but after everything Mia went through I would have expected something more… epic? Okay, maybe it’s just me being weird?! XD

Or maybe it was me getting “eye-rollitis” whenever a certain character entered the page. *lol* I didn’t like that character and I sort of got angry every single time she opened her mouth, so I think that sort of animosity might have been another reason why I didn’t enjoy this book as much as I should have. ;-P And speaking of characters: I think it’s about time to head to my character’s section because as you can tell I have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS and I really need to get them off my chest! Are you ready?


Welcome to my spoilery spoiler section, gentlefriends! This is going to be juicy so if you’re not ready to face the bitter truth you better don’t continue to read this. ;-P Take your lemonade glass and make yourself comfortable, this is going to take a while. *lol*


”I am a daughter of the dark between the stars,” she replied. “I am the thought that wakes the bastards of this world sweating in the nevernight. I am the vengeance of every orphaned daughter, every murdered mother, every bastard son.” Mia leaned forward and looked the man in the eye. “I am the war you cannot win.”

Mia sitting on that damn throne of the pirate king and later on telling Tric that to wear a shirt would ruin her “Murderous Bitch aesthetic” is my new aesthetic! *LOL* This girl!!! I never saw that one coming and I swear Mia is the embodiment of a badass heroine. I read about a lot of badass heroines over the years but none of them ever came close to Mia Corvere. XD Even more importantly: With Mia Jay Kristoff created a really unique character that has no equal. At least I never saw someone as compassionate, ruthless, stubborn, vulnerable and fierce as her. Mia doesn’t try to be a man, she makes use of her female assets and works with everything she got. So she’s a character that doesn’t try to be cool, she just is and that with such an effortless grace that you can’t help but admire her for it. I want to marry her so bugger off Ash! *lol* ;-P

”Two pices of the whole. One is just … darkness. Rage. She hates the world and everything in it. All she wants is to tear it down and laugh as it burns. And then there’s the me who thinks there might actually be something worth fighting for in all this. And maybe something to live for after.”


”See there you go.” She gifted the boy a wink. “A little bit of spit and fire, that’s what I like to see. But I’m fierier than you, Tricky. I’m quicker and I’m prettier and the girl we both adore ended up in my bed, not yours.” She drummed her fingers on her sword hilt. “I won. You lost. So stay away from her, aye?”

I really can’t with Ash! I just can’t! I mean look at this gif! This is literally me whenever Ash said something in this book!

I don’t like this woman and I just can’t forgive her for killing Tric. I know Jay Kristoff wanted us to dig her and Mia together because they both have some ruthlessness to them and a soft side, but quite honestly I never saw that soft side of Ash. Where Mia had some compassion, Ash was just mean and had a downright cruel streak. The things she said to Tric in here… I could have punched her in the face and I wouldn’t have regretted it even though I’m a pacifist. *LOL* Jay, how was I supposed to like this girl? She’s a witch and I think Mia deserved better than her! Someone that rubs things in the way she did with Tric is not someone I’d like to ship. #SorryNotSorry

And that half-assed attempt at a redemption arc also didn’t do it for me. Once again #SorryNotSorry To say it with my Yoongi’s words: I’m done with this! So done! XD

Cloud Corleone:

”Well,” Cloud Corleone sighed. “As my dear old tutor Dona Elyse said the year I turned sixteen, “Fuck me very gently, then fuck me very hard.”

Now there’s a character I loved! Cloud Corleone and BigJon were two amazing new additions to the cast and Cloud’s four-bastard smile really grew on me. *lol* I think after Sturmhond he’s my second favourite privateer. XD I just loved how he and BigJon flirted so shamelessly with Mia and Cloud’s serious backstory was quite something to take in. >_< I’m glad Jay invented him in this book and I would have loved to read even more about Cloud and his crew. Maybe one day Jay will indulge us with a novel or short story? You never know. 😉

Corleone tilted his head. “You mean to tell me you know who crews aboard my ship better than I, Hangman? When was the last time you set foot on my decks?”
“When I was ploughing your mother,” the captain growled.
“O, aye, she sends her regards, by the by,” Corleone replied without skipping a beat. “She told me to tell you she hopes you’re not still embarrassed. It happens even to the best of men, apparently.”

Mr. Kindly:

”… if you wish a dog who simply rolls over when you growl, bring eclipse with you. but i’ll speak my mind, if it please you …”
“And if it doesn’t please me?”
“… i’ll speak it anyway…”

This is actual footage of me when I read the scene in which Mia tells Mr. Kindly to go away. Like OMG!!! I couldn’t believe she told him to get lost and even though I understood why she was angry I really didn’t get why she blamed it all on Mr. Kindly. He was right to tell the gladiatii the truth and he was also right to let them decide themselves. The rift between Mr. Kindly and Mia hurt so much and if there’s one thing I didn’t like about Mia in this book then it was the fact that she turned on him. Despite everything Mr. Kindly was still loyal to her though and worked in the background so she could face Cleo and I really hope Mia appreciated what he did for her!!! Mr. Kindly is the best! ❤

”… i am a part of you, mia. before i met you, i was a formless nothing looking for a meaning. the shape i wear is born of you, the thing i became is because of you. and if i must do what you will not, so be it. at least you will be alive to hate me …”


Mia & Ash:

”If you wanted a snog in the hallway you could’ve asked.”
“Not asking,” Ash shook her head. “Taking.”

And here we go with another actual footage of me. *LOL* I can’t believe Jay went for a HEA like that! Like WHAT??!!! Jay will probably never admit it but deep down he might be a romantic after all. XD I already said it in “Godsgrave” and I’ll say it again: I don’t ship the Mash ship! Urgh! Ash is just a selfish witch and she doesn’t deserve Mia! Period! Alone that quote above. Yep, that’s my problem with Ash she just takes without ever asking and she’s ruthless and doesn’t seem to have any sort of conscience… at all! How am I supposed to dig a character like that? Plus she’s petty and super jealous as well. Not the kind of woman I’d want to have by my side. I still think we need more sapphic romances in books but I can’t seem to be able to like this one because it’s actually sort of toxic. If Mia likes a girl that will kill everyone who just looks at her: Okay. I personally hate jealousy in relationships so Ash is a no for me. Also and someone has to say it – you’re allowed to take out your pitchforks now – I think a HEA in which Mia would have spent the rest of her days with Jonnen and Mercurio would have been more realistic. Yes, I would have even been okay if Ash would have been with them. But she basically fights the entire book for Mercurio and Jonnen’s freedom just to end up on that Threelakes shore with Ash? Of all people! Why? It beats me! *shakes head*

”And while the press of Ash’s lips left Mia feeling almost dizzy, the thought of her touch even now, laying senseless and sated, sending warm and delighted pulses up her thighs, a part of Mia – the part Mister Kindly would have filled, most likely – was still suspicious of the girl in her arms.”

Mia & Tric:

”She was losing herself in it. The feel of him, the taste, the familiar shapes, carved anew by the Mother of Night. Falling down into the need of him, aching from the touch of him, wanting to forget and remember and for a tiny moment, simply enjoy being lost inside it, with him inside her.”

Haha! This gotta be the first time I’d have preferred a straight pairing over a sapphic one. *lol* But seriously, there was way more chemistry between those two than there ever was between Ash and Mia. I mean Tric basically told her that he had to rip his way back through the walls of the abyss to get back to her and that he gave up his place by the hearth just to be with Mia. Tric is too good for their world and it made me really sad to see that he came back for nothing. Also: Why throw a possible love triangle at us, Jay, if you don’t follow through with it?! I always thought love triangles were one of my pet peeves, tell you what, my new pet peeve are love triangles that are brought into existence and never play out. *lol* #TricDeservedBetterThanThat

He took Mia’s hand, pressed it to his chest, and she was astonished to feel a heartbeat, strong and thudding beneath her palm. “BUT I WOULD STRIKE A THOUSAND BARGAINS WITH THE NIGHT FOR ONE MORE MOMENT WITH YOU. I’D DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS AND DEFY THEM ALL, JUST TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS ONE MORE TIME.”

Ash & Tric:

”I’m sorry you had to go, but that’s just how it is! And I stabbed you friendways, in case you’ve forgot. In the front, not the damned back. I can’t undo it, so what the fuck do you want from me?”
“Remorse is for the weak, Tricky,” Ash said. “And regret is for cowards.”

I loved that dinner scene in which Tric finally called out Ash! *lol* She deserved it and her excuse of “I killed you because it needed to be done” is so weak that it would need two crutches to stand on its own feet! She needed to? Hogwash!! She just couldn’t stand that Tric won Mia’s heart fairly and because of that he had to go. Every time she rubbed in that Tric was dead and she was the girl at Mia’s side I got so damn angry! She kicked at someone who was already lying on the ground and that is behaviour I just can’t accept. That half-assed redemption arc totally didn’t work for me because of course she knew that he was a way better person than she’d ever be! Am I supposed to feel sorry for her now? She killed Tric and yes, she might feel remorse over it but the knowledge she’d feel remorse over it still didn’t stop her from stabbing him in the first place! She knew exactly what she was doing! So: #SorryNotSorry. Tric was a way better person than Ash will ever be!

”In truth, she’d always known it.
She knew what shed taken from this boy. She knew why. Extinguishing all he was and could have ever been. She knew how hard it must be for him, returning to a world so changed. To see the girl he loved in the arms of the girl who murdered him. And though he had every reason under heaven to hate them, to lash out in his rage and break everything around him, he remained true. Loyal to his love. Loyal to the last. That was the kind of boy he was.
That was the kind of boy she’d killed.“

Mia & Mercurio:

”Once he’d been fire. Breathed it. Bled it. Spat it. But now, the only ember that remained was the one he kept burning for her – that snot-nosed, stuck-up little lordling’s bitch who’d wandered into his shop all those years ago, a silver brooch shaped like a crow in her hand.”

I’m not ashamed to admit it: Mia’s and Mercurio’s relationship caused me to tear up multiple times. The love those two felt for each other was so true and ahhh when they parted ways… Mia is truly Mercurio’s daughter and Scaeva can jump in a lake! *lol* I really wish they would have gotten a happy ending and that Mercurio would know she’s still alive. I guess he’ll just have to live with the memory of her though because Mia is busy with Ash in that house at the Threelake shore. Me being bitter? Nope, no way! *lol*

”When everything else had been taken away. He gave me a home and he kept me safe when he had no reason under the suns to do it.” Mia looked up at the girl, eyes shining. “He’s familia. More familia to me than almost anyone in this world.”

Mercurio scowled, his ice-blue eyes welling with tears.
“Never took a wife,” the old man said. “Never had a familia. Didn’t seem fair in my line of work. But … if I ever had a daughter –“
“You had a daughter,” Mia said. The girl threw her arms around the old man and squeezed hard as she could. “And she loves you,” she whispered.

Mia & the gladiatii:

”And then Sid was running, catching the girl up in his embrace, lifting her off the ground as she squealed. Bladesinger collided with the pair of them, wrapping them up in her arms, Butcher staggered over, Wavewaker arrived like an earthquake, grabbing all four of them and roaring as he lifted them off the ground and jumped in circles.
“You magnificent little bitch!” Sid cried.
“Let me go, you great fucking lumps!” Mia grinned.

It was really great to see that found family together again but unfortunately that moment of peace and happiness was gone pretty fast! I can’t believe almost all of the gladiatii except of Sid and Bladesinger died. =(( Sid and Singer hooking up was a little random but I guess after everything they went through it was kind of logical as well. *lol* Still, Jay is a devil for killing them off. The way they all died? OMG! Bryn and Wavewaker quite literally died while having sex and Butcher was betrayed by the person he wanted to protect. Ouch! You did quite a number on them Jay! >_<

”Mia, you risked your life for us,” Sidonius said. “Everything you’d worked for danced on the edge of a knife. And still you gambled it all to see us to freedom. And now you’d stand there and tell us what we can and can’t do with it?”
“Damn right I do,” she snarled. “You owe me your lives? Go fucking live them. You want to give me thanks? Do it when you tell your grandchildren about me.”

Mia, Jonnen & Scaeva:

”Our familia had a saying,” Mia said. “Before your father destroyed it. Neh diis lus’a, lus diis’a. Do you know what that means?”
“I do not speak Liisan,” the boy growled.
“When all is blood, blood is all.”

Well, that was quite the familia. *lol* Jonnen was a really spoiled brat before he came to Mia so it was good to see that he changed for the better while being around her. Also that moment when she put him into his place when he was hostile towards Cloud and BigJon? It was such a typical thing an older sister would do. As for Scaeva? I hate that man! He actually had the gall to think he made Mia the person she is now??!! Also how he treated Jonnen! I mean he quite literally said “Obey me!” and killed Eclipse because she protected Jonnen. The fact Jonnen let it happen was a real betrayal but then again he was only a nine year old boy that was scared and Scaeva was his father after all… This said the ending was kind of … idk. It was supposed to be this epic battle but it kind of fell flat for me. It was just too much, you know? They were both too powerful and strong and that took away from the enjoyment. Like usually in a battle one side is always weaker and overcomes that weakness which makes for the suspense. In this case both of them were equal and so it got a little… boring? *lol* I dunno how to describe it but I hope you get what I mean. I’m glad Scaeva isn’t around anymore though. XD

”She had every reason in the world to be nothing but rage and hatred and misery. But he knew, as much as she tried to hide it, she hadn’t let life turn her cold. She loved with a heart as fierce as lions. Gave in a way that left her bleeding, but never broken. Because even with all she’d lost, all she’d sacrificed, all the hurt heaped upon her shoulders, she’d still come back.
She still came back for me.”

Scaeva gave a soft, bitter chuckle as he looked her in the eye.
“All you are? All you have become? I gave you. Mine is the seed that planted you. Mine are the hands that forged you. Mine is the blood that flows, cold as ice and black as pitch, in those veins of yours.”
He leaned back on the divan, black eyes burning into her own.
“In every possible sense, you are my daughter.”

”He’d been a hard man, no doubt. Never cruel, no. But heavy as iron. Merciless as the sea. Slow with praise, swift with rebuke, fashioning his boy into a man who might one turn rule an empire. Because always, his father had made it plain – despite his parentage, the throne would be something Jonnen must earn.”


“Darkdawn” was a good conclusion to “The Nevernight Chronicle” but unfortunately it wasn’t as good as the other two books. It had a couple of issues that kept me from giving it that fifth paw but I guess it might be just another case of the “it’s me, not the book” syndrome. *lol* Either way it was a very enjoyable read and I’m glad I buddy read this with my Yoongi! ❤

I hope you enjoyed my rather untypical gif review and I’m already looking forward to read the next book Jay Kristoff will throw our way. 😉

A - E, Allgemein, D, Reviews

Review: Defy Me (Tahereh Mafi)


Rating: 4 Pfoten

“Whatever, bro. No judgment. The world’s on fire. Have some fun.”

I think that sentence indicates the overall mood of this book, because wow, the world truly is on fire. *lol* Joking aside I’ve to admit that my feelings about “Defy Me” are pretty mixed. On the one hand this was totally not what I expected it to be, but on the other hand it was still good somehow?! I don’t know how to explain this but I was kind of disappointed by how it all turned out, yet at the same time I was going with the flow and enjoyed many scenes and parts of the book.

“Shatter Me” is one of the first series I binged and loved and there’s always this sort of nostalgia when I read another of Mafi’s books. I just love Warner, I adore Kenji and I like Juliette (or Ella) and therefore I’ll always be happy to read more about them. The longer this series continues the more it gets unrealistic and crazy though. And this is me, one of the series biggest fans, speaking their mind. So while I’m all like: Gimmi more!!! I also feel like this series has been going on for too long and that it probably would have been best to stop after book 3. Urgh! I hate myself for even thinking this, but it is the way it is and you all know you’ll always get unapologetic honesty from me. 😉

So did I enjoy “Defy Me”?  Yes and no! Yes, because as I already said I got a lot of my favourite characters and no, because the plot kind of lacked depth? I mean sure, there were quite a lot of revelations but when it comes to the pace it was really slow and there actually didn’t happen a lot. So whilst I enjoy character driven books I still would have liked for the plot to have a little bit more substance. Urgh, look at me trying to find the right words. *lol* Anyway, I still enjoyed it and even though I’m worried about the last book I’ll still read it, because I really hope that Mafi will be able to tie everything up with a nice bow. XD

This said, let’s talk about the characters! And believe me, there’s a lot to talk about! ;-P


And here comes another warning: My characters section is full of spoilers and to read through it might kill some of your enjoyment when you actually read the book. This said: Pirates ye be warned! ;-P Proceed at your own risk!

Ella (aka Juliette):

”I had no idea how much we’d lost, no idea how much of him I’d longed for. I had no idea how desperately we’d been fighting. How many years we’d fought for moments – minutes – to be together.”

Now the Juliette – or Ella – in this book was exactly my kind of girl! After reading “Restore Me” I wasn’t happy with the direction in which her character developed, but I’ve to say that I really like that new Ella. XD Maybe it were all those memories that made her stronger or the fact that her biological parents are horrible. No matter what it was, it was really good to see her take control of her life again! That’s what I missed in the other book! Our strong and independent girl that makes decisions and acts on them, throwing all caution into the wind! *lol* Okay, she didn’t throw ALL caution into the wind but she certainly acted more like herself in this one. Then again I suppose to have your memories constantly erased and to be filled with new and torturous memories whenever you’re set back will take a toll on anyone. I mean WTF?! I hate her parents for what they did to her, Emmaline and Warner. And I’m really glad Ella ended Evie. Or did she? Maybe she can heal herself too?! I guess we’ll find out in the last book. For now all I say is: Welcome back, Ella! It’s a pleasure to see you again! 😉

”Aaron?” I say again, this time softly. “Are you all right?”
He blinks, startled. “Yes,” he says, drawing in a sharp breath. “Yes. Yes, I’m perfect.”
I manage a small smile. “I’m glad you finally agree with me.”
He frowns, confused, and then, as realization hits – He blushes.


”A profound, painful ache has rooted inside of me, carrying with it the weight of years. Being apart from Juliette –Ella – has always been hard, but now it seems unsurvivable.
I’m being slowly decimated by emotion.”

My sweet, sweet boy and awesomeness on two legs!!! Ahhh he already suffered so much and once again my heart broke for him! ❤ I hate and despise his father so damn much! If he’d spent eternity in hell it still wouldn’t be enough! Still, can I say that I FREAKING LOVED Warner in here?!! I saw so many new sides of his character and I adore them all!!! XD I mean he’s still a tortured soul but behind that perfect and ruined facade of his, he’s actually a funny, strong and sassy boy! I mean Warner getting annoyed because his attempt to kill his father was thwarted was priceless!!! An insult to his skill set!? *LOL* Also: Four books in this series!!! FOUR FREAKING BOOKS and I can’t remember ever hearing Warner curse! Haha! And so typical for him he even bothers to explain it with his special brand of sophisticated dignity and poise! *LOL* So yes, my boy might be tortured and broken but he’s mending and I absolutely love the person he’s becoming. I really thought I couldn’t love him any more than I already do but as it seems Mafi is proving me wrong. ❤ I loved the ending so much because Warner was so happy, which is the reason I’m so damn afraid of the next book. I’m sure it will all go to hell and I just can’t take it. >_< Let Warner be happy, please?!

”Enjoy hell,” I whisper, before walking away.

“Did you just swear?” Nazeera says, stunned.
“I’m in an extraordinary amount of pain.”
“All right, that’s it, we’re out of time.”

“I can’t remember a single time in my life when someone apologized to me for hurting my feelings. No one has ever cared about my feelings long enough to apologize for hurting them. In my experience, I’m usually the monster. I’m the one expected to make amends.”

“No one warned me about the nightmares, the panic attacks, or the dark destructive thoughts that would follow. No one explained to me how darkness works, how it feasts on itself or how it festers. I hardly recognize myself these days. Becoming an instrument of torture destroyed what was left of my mind.“


”I turn, stare at the wall. I can’t be distracted by her anymore. She knows I’m into her – my infatuation is apparently obvious to everyone within a ten-mile radius, according to Castle – and she’s clearly been using my idiocy to her best advantage.
Smart. I respect the tactic.”

I know a lot of people think that Kenji turned into a completely different person because he’s become more serious and has a lot of depressing thoughts, but what those people don’t keep in mind is that this is only due to the fact that we never got his POV. We only saw Kenji from the outside and the way the characters around him perceive him. Yes, on the outside he’s all smiles and fun but on the inside he’s a very deep character and feels so many different emotions that it’s really painful to see them revealed. In short: He’s human! You can’t always be happy and the part he’s showing the people around him is not how he feels inside. I mean I’m pretty sure about 90% of my friends on here would say I’m a funny and cheerful person, but that doesn’t mean that I’m always like that. I do have my dark days too and it’s the same with Kenji. So yes, he’s different but only because we finally get to see his private feelings, thoughts and fears. 😉 I still love Kenji and I think I love him even more now because I can understand him better. XD

”But right now I’m out of gas. I’m out of James’s jokes. I’m fresh out of fake smiles. Right now I’m nothing but pain and exhaustion and raw emotion, and I don’t have the bandwidth for another serious conversation. I really don’t want to do this right now.”

“Today has been a shitstorm of shit. A tornado of shit. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know whether to sit down and cry or set something on fire.“


”None of us got to choose this life. None of us enjoyed being taught to torture before we could even drive. And it’s not insane to imagine that sometimes even horrible people are searching for a way out of their own darkness.”

Nazeera is still some sort of wildcard for me. Yes, we got a little bit more info about her motivations and affiliation but the overall picture of her character is still very blurry. I don’t know why she’s helping them and I want a better reason than the one we were given. Am I really supposed to believe that she only helps them because she sees the errors of the supreme commander’s ways? True, they did a lot of bad things, mostly to Emmaline, Ella and Warner, and okay, she apparently was Emmaline’s best friend, but there’s got to be more to her story! Something must have happened that caused her to join Castle’s camp and I really want to know what! I really hope there’ll be an answer in the last book!

Evie & Max:

”Perhaps it’s impossible for you to understand how I’m feeling right now. Perhaps you don’t care to know the depth of my disappointments. But you and Emmaline are my life’s work.”

I think Evie and Max should go and … you know what I’m about to say, right?! *lol* But seriously, those two are such horrible human beings that I’m actually starting to doubt if they are even human. I mean WTF??!! How could they do that to their own daughters?! I hate them so much and I just want them to burn in hell! Poor Emmaline! The way she lives now… it’s no life at all. It’s torture and Evie and Max are to blame! I really hope Evie is truly dead now but after Anderson came back again I kind of doubt that we really saw the last of her. For Emmaline’s sake I hope that she is but I’m sure Mafi still has something in store for us. >_<

Max smiles wider. “Quite a live, yes. Despite your best efforts to murder him.”
“That seems impossible”
“You sound irritated,” Max says.
“I am irritated. That he survived is an insult to my skill set.”


Ella & Warner:

I have to step away from her. “I don’t – “I look at her again. “Are you sure I don’t know you?”
And she smiles. Smiles at me and my heart shatters.
“Trust me,” she says. “I’d remember you.”

YESH!!! MY OTP IS BACK IN THE GAME!!!!! <333 GJAHAHHAHAHAHAH! I’m so happy they are together again and managed to talk it out! I mean they sort of didn’t have to talk it out all too much because Ella’s memories put everything into perspective but they still spoke about their breakup which is good! XD I loved the quote above because it connects us right with the first book and this was done really masterfully! 😉 If there is one thing I didn’t like about “Defy Me”, then it was the fact that it took them so damn long to get together again! I mean they basically only reunite at the end of the book and I really would have liked to have more quiet and tender Ella and Warner moments. There can never be enough happy moments for them. XD Also the plot existed only of them finding together and a few revelations which was kind of minimalistic, but then again I got the impression that this was what you’d call “a filler book” before the finale begins so I suppose now that all the chess figures are in place we’ll get quite the action in the last book. Or at least I hope we do. ;-P Anyway, I kinda dig the idea of them marrying even though I think they are too young. After everything they’ve been through it’s no surprise though. Mhmmm let’s see what Mafi will do with this plot device in “Imagine Me”. *lol*

”Her face is pressed against my neck. She’s clinging to me like she might never let go and it does something to me, something heady, to know that she could possibly want me – or need me – like this. It makes me want to protect her even if she doesn’t need protecting. It makes me want to carry her away. Lose track of time.”

”Sweetheart, I really need to know if this means yes or no –“
“Yes,” I cry, slightly hysterical. “Yes. Yes to everything with you. Yes to forever with you. Yes.”

There’s tragedy and beauty in his eyes: something stoic that refuses to be moved, and something childlike that can’t help but feel joy. He looks, in short, like he’s in pain.
“Aaron,” I whisper. “Is this okay?”
He takes a few seconds to respond, but when he finally does, he nods. Just once – but it’s enough.
“Yes,” he says softly. “This is okay.”

Ella & Kenji:

”Can we cry about it later? I’ll tell you everything.”
“Hell yeah we can cry about it later.” Kenji tugs gently on my hand to get us moving again. “I have so much shit to cry about, J. So much. We should make, like, a list.”

Aww their friendship is still everything! <333 I love how open and honest they are with each other. They don’t beat about the bush but address things directly and even though we didn’t get a lot of their friendship in this one it’s still amazing. I hope to see more of their interactions in the next instalment and I swear Kenji definitely needs Ella’s advice! *lol* How else is he supposed to handle Nazeera! That boy is totally out of his depth! Haha! Also Kenji admitting that Ella’s situation is breaking his heart. Ahhhh!! He cares about her so much that it hurts him to see her sad and in pain. That’s #friendshipgoals right there! <333

”And now he’s gone. Warner is gone. Everyone from Omega Point might be dead. Everything we built… everything we worked toward – “I feel myself break, snap open form the inside. “I can’t lose him, Kenji.” My voice is shaking. My hands are shaking. “I can’t – You don’t know – You don’t –“
Kenji looks at me with actual pain in his eyes. “Stop it, J. You’re breaking my heart. I can’t hear this.”

Kenji & Warner:

Kenji flips us both off.
Aaron laughs. And then, leaning in –
“You really think I look good in everything?”
“Shut up, asshole.”
Aaron laughs again.

I still kind of SHIP THEM?! *LOL* I just can’t help but be in awe of Kenji being able to actually make Warner laugh!!! And the fact that Kenji thinks he looks good in everything?! Just too damn precious!! Like it’s really obvious that Kenji sorta digs him. XD Apparently Warner likes him too! Since we all know that Ella & Warner are the endgame and our OTP I’ll just accept their bromance and settle for being happy with it though! ;-P

”Bro, you really need to, like, eat a pizza or something,” he says, slapping me on the shoulder as he leaves. “You have too many abs.”
“What?” My eyebrows pull together.”

Nazeera & Kenji:

”Can’t look at you.”
She hesitates. “Why not?”
“Too pretty.”
She laughs, but angrily, like she might punch me in the face. “Kenji, I’m trying to be serious with you.”

I loved tired Kenji!! *lol* That boy can’t think clearly when he’s tired and the things he admitted and said to Nazeera!? Adorable, just freaking adorable! ❤ I swear if she doesn’t give him a decent chance and toys with him I’ll personally scratch her eyes out! XD Kenji deserves a really nice girl that understands him and takes care of him. That appreciates him for who he is! So you better be that girl Nazeera! Also it was really nice to finally get a sexy scene with Kenji. I always knew that he can be sweet and sexy so I was glad we eventually got to experience that side of him. And yes, Nazeera and my boy DO have chemistry. I just hope she’ll show her true colours in the last book. =)

Anderson & Warner:

”You know what? It’s better this way. Better for you to know,” he says quietly. “Better for you to understand exactly why you’re never going to see her again.”
“That’s not up to you.”

And I still DESPISE and HATE Anderson! Why isn’t that scumbag of a father dead already? Damn Evie and Max and all their stupid experiments. If they wouldn’t have helped him, Anderson would be where he belongs. Six feet under! And good riddance! Why can’t that man finally die?! My boy needs to be free of him in order to move on and as long as he is around that won’t happen. So can Mafi finally put an end to Anderson’s despicable reign? I think Warner suffered enough and I think he deserves a life, NO A WORLD, without his father in it. Can we get it real soon, please?!

”My mother warned me, years ago, to hide my heart from my father, and every time I slipped – every time I let myself hope he might not be a monster – he punished me, mercilessly.”

”He knew, when he made that deal, what he was asking me to do. I didn’t. I was sixteen, still young enough to believe in hope, and he took advantage of my naiveté. He knew what it would do to me. He knew it would break me. And it was all he’d ever wanted.
My soul.”


Just like after reading “Restore Me” I don’t know how to feel about this book. This time around my emotions at the end of “Defy Me” weren’t as intense as they were after reading its predecessor but I think that’s mostly due to the nature of the ending. And even though in here it all tied up nicely for a change I still have quite a lot of mixed feelings about it all. Plus, I can’t help but feel like this ending is just the calm before the storm. I know it! I know that all hell is going to break loose as soon as I open “Imagine Me” and I’m so scared of reading what will happen. >_< Let’s just hope this is going to be an ending I can live with. XD