A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Court of Frost and Starlight (Sarah J. Maas)

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Rating: 3 Pfoten

”Mother above and Cauldron save me.”

Yep, that’s exactly what I thought when I read another one of Feyre and Rhy’s naughty scenes! The words might have been the same; my thoughts came with an eye roll instead of pleasure though. As did a lot of other things while I read this novella. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed almost every second of this and it was really nice to spend some time with all those characters again BUT (yes, it’s a big but) there were a lot of things that didn’t sit well with me and you can bet your lovely behind on the fact that I’m going to point them out later on when I get to the spoilery parts of this review.

Generally speaking this wasn’t bad. We got to see a little bit of our characters normal lives and I think we can all agree that after everything they went through they deserve some normalcy and happiness. It was nice to walk through Velaris, to go Solstice shopping with Mor and Feyre and to see those beloved characters interact with each other. They all survived the war and each and every single one of them is trying to cope with the aftermath. There are plenty of wounds that still need to heal and I’m kind of grateful Sarah decided to give her characters some room to come to terms with everything. So yes, this novella might not have a huge plot but definitely provides a good transition into the next series. 😉

Still, there were quite a lot of interesting dialogues and a bunch of things that either made me happy or caused me to get angry. Mostly it was the relationships between the characters and so this is exactly what I’m going to write about. Buckle up! This is going to be a hard ride! *lol*

From here on out, I’ll talk about the relationships and ships of the characters, so this isn’t only going to be rant and gush feast but also a spoiler celebration! If you still continue to read and haven’t read ACOFAS yet, it’s at your own risk! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 😉

3

Feyre & Rhys:

”But you are bothering – you’re both still working to make this peace last. Peace, Rhys. We have peace, and the true kind. Enjoy it – enjoy each other. You paid the debt before it was ever a debt.”

I totally agree with Cassian and even though this might sound harsh now I still need to say it: I want them to enjoy each other too, but please not as the MCs of the following books. I love Feyre and Rhys, I really do, but I think from ACOWAR on out their character development was kind of detrimental. I already mentioned it in my review of ACOWAR and I’ll say it again Feyre’s and Rhys’s holier-than-thou attitude is beginning to get on my nerves. Feyre and her friends weren’t the only ones that suffered and it would be really nice if she’d get out of her pink bubble and would acknowledge the fact that others hurt too! It’s good that Rhys and her have each other but not everyone is as lucky as them and it would help to remember that they made mistakes too! Also if I read about “toes that curl” in Feyre’s boots one more time I’m going to be sick. Yes, we got it, Rhys is such a sexy male and they really love each other. If you ask me their story should have ended after ACOWAR because right now I have more negative feelings towards them than positive ones and this is actually kinda sad. >_< Okay, Feysand shippers are allowed to take out their pitchforks and torches now… Just give me a little head start, will you? ;-P

Feyre & Lucien:

”And what, exactly, does this Band of Exiles plan to do? Host events? Organize party-planning committees?”
Lucien’s metal eye clicked faintly and narrowed. “You can be as much of an asshole as that mate of yours, you know that?”

I think Feyre was a real bitch to Lucien in this book. And no, I’m not sorry for saying it out loud. After all someone has to do it and I don’t mind it being me. I mean if she really wants him to be friends with her, she has to accept that he has his own life and doesn’t want to depend on her and Rhys. If she’d be honest to herself she’d realize that Lucien isn’t welcome at her court and that he has his reasons to stay away from them. I think the only two people who feel real sympathy for Lucien are Az and Amren and they only do it to some extent. So yeah, she can’t expect him to be happy with the situation. Lucien lost so much over the centuries and now he even lost Tam and his second home. It’s not Feyre’s call to decide what’s best for him! Especially because she’s actually the reason why Lucien isn’t welcome at Tam’s place anymore. So nope, take care of your own court and leave Lucien be! Thank you very much! And a huge YAY for Lucien! Because he dared to call Feyre and Ryhs out on their bullsh*t and didn’t back down! That’s my man!!! <333 Also I totally agree with him! Rhys shouldn’t have said what he did and the way he treated Tam cost him a lot of my sympathy.

”Your mate should have known better than to kick a downed male.”

”I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes. I can’t stand to be in this court and have your mate pay for the very clothes on my back.”

Elain & Lucien:

”He hadn’t mentioned Elain, or his proximity to her. Elaine had not asked him to stay, or to go. And whether she cared about the bruises on his face, she certainly hadn’t let on.”

So if you already put away your pitchforks and torches, guess now is the right time to draw them out again, because this isn’t going to be nice and tell you what: I actually don’t care! I’ll say it as it is: I HATE Elain! There, I said it! And I’m not even sorry for it! You think Nesta is a witch? Oh well, guess Elain is even worse because she hides it behind her super sweet appearance and gentle actions. By now I’ve reached a point where I despise her and I’m sick and tired of everyone defending this woman just because she is so sweet! Where was Elain when Feyre was taken by Tam? What did Elain do when Feyre went out hunting for them? Nesta might be a witch, and I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but at least she went looking for Feyre. What did Elain do? She got engaged to Grayson! YAY! Way to go! Also everyone loving precious and dear Elain! WTF?!!! Did Elain ever do anything except of looking lovely?! (Yes, she might be a great cook and good at gardening but seriously is that all!???!!!) AND WHY THE FREAKING HELL IS EVERYONE DEFENDING ELAIN WITH THE WORDS “Elain is Elain”!??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!???? I’m sick and tired of her getting away with everything because she’s everybody’s darling! Lucien deserves so much better than that! She can’t even talk to him for a few minutes? She can’t even thank him for the present he got her? Where was her present for him?! And just for the record: LUCIEN DIDN’T WANT HER TO BE HIS MATE!!! He’s as innocent when it comes to their mating bond as Elain! It’s not his fault that they are mates and people better remember this when they judge him for trying to get to know her! She doesn’t even give him a chance to get to know her so she’s just cruel and mean in my eyes. If she doesn’t change her attitude in the next trilogy I’ll never ship her with anyone. Not even Az. No one! For all I care she can live with her precious flowers and become one of them! GRRRRRRR!!!! AKDFASDFJASLDFJKASDFJASDKLFJASDFLK! Okay, I’m fine now. XD

”Elain, at least, would be too polite to send Lucien away when he wanted to help. She was too polite to send him away on a normal day. She just ignored him or barely spoke to him until he got the hint and left.”

Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”
“No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.”
“He doesn’t know me.”
“You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.”

Cassian & Nesta:

”A storm is going to hit in a few days. I’d like you to distribute this amongst those who might feel its impact the hardest.”

Cassian is so, so damn precious and he’s stuck with Nesta! That’s not fair! I think when it comes to me disliking characters in this series it’s a tie between Nesta and Elain. I just hate them both. (I know I’m making a lot of friends with this review. *lol* But I just can’t help it!) I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to ship them but after seeing that Nesta still didn’t change… Well, I just can’t ship them. By now I don’t even know if her character can be redeemed and if Sarah doesn’t work her magic with her I’ll never board this ship. And it will take a HUGE amount of magic to make her character at least a little bit more likable! And to everyone out there who likes Nesta and thinks I’m mean: I know she has PTSD too and I know that she suffers at least as much as all the other characters around her do, but that’s no reason to lash out at the others. If she wants to be secluded from them, live in a cheap apartment, drink all day and sleep with every fae male that comes her way: Okay! But to hurt the others, to fight them even though they are trying to help her, to spend Feyre’s and Rhys money without asking them: That’s not okay!! How many people have to offer her help until she accepts it? How often will she hurt poor Cassian because she’s just too proud to acknowledge that she has a serious problem? Just like Lucien, Cassian deserves so much better than her and I think I’ll make a petition for both of them! #FreeCassian&LucienFromTheClutchesOfTheCruelArcheronSisters

”Nesta is Nesta. She does what she wants, even if it kills her sister. I’ve offered her job after job, and she refuses them all.”

Tamlin & Rhys:

Forgiveness could be a gift to both, but what he’d done… “Do you want her to?”
His green eyes were empty. “Do I deserve it?”
No. Never.
He must have read it on my face, because he asked, “Do you forgive me – for your mother and sister?”

I’m not okay with the way Rhys treated Tamlin! Yes, he made mistakes, yes he hurt Feyre, but that doesn’t mean that they have to hurt him too! Rhys should have known better than that, he should have been better than that and he shouldn’t have kicked Tam when he was already on the ground. Everyone can see that Tamlin is hurting and to treat him like that? To say what Rhys said to him? WOAH!! That was just cruel, mean and uncalled-for. I’m feeling really sorry for Tam now and Rhys helping him with the elk doesn’t make this any better. He only helped him because he might need him in future, not because he actually cared. Where is your compassion for Tam, Rhys? Where is the Rhys of ACOMAF I fell in love with? I don’t see him anymore. *shakes head*

”I hope you live the rest of your miserable life alone here. It’s a far more satisfying end than slaughtering you.”

Elain & Az:

Cassian sat up, the portrait of outrage. “No?”
Azriel tucked in his wings. “Would you want people betting on you?”

I think the only reason Az reacted like that is because he might feel guilty for liking Elain. It’s so obvious that Sarah wants them to end up together and all those little tense moments between them speak volumes about her intentions. But as I said: I can’t ship Elain with anyone right now. Az is too sweet and gentle to end up with her and I really don’t want them to be together. Not because I would begrudge him a relationship with her, but because I think that he deserves better than her. After Mor played with him for centuries Az deserves the world, and then some! If Elain doesn’t change and acknowledges her misbehaviour against Lucien then I can’t ship this ship. And quite honestly, if I’d be Az I wouldn’t want to be with someone who treats their mate like that.

”Azriel emerged from the sitting room, a glass of wine in hand and wings tucked back to reveal his fine, yet simple black jacket and pants.
I felt, more than saw, my sister go still as he approached. Her throat bobbed.”

Rhys & Lucien:

”I can let go of the taunts,” he said, scanning my face. “And the fact that he still harbors some hope of one day reuniting with Tamlin. But I cannot let go of how he treated you after Under the Mountain.”

I’m just glad that Lucien became friends with Vassa and Jurian because as I already mentioned above, he obviously isn’t welcome at the Night Court. Rhys still doesn’t like him and Lucien deserves more than to be tolerated. He deserves to be respected, to be loved and cherished and not to be treated like sh*t! Also what the hell does Rhys even mean with how he treated Feyre after Under the Mountain? Lucien did nothing wrong, he was there for her, tried to help her, defended her against Tam, spoke up for her and confronted Tamlin. And what did he get in return? Tamlin reprimanded him and might have even physically hurt him, Ianthe abused him and Tam let it happen because he refused to take part in the ritual, and Feyre?! Do I really have to point out what Feyre did? She lied to him, claimed that Rhys had turned her and even after she came back to the spring court she continued to lie to him and hurt him even more by destroying the only place he called home. Hell, she even used him to antagonize Tam and to destroy his friendship with Lucien. A great friend she was to him! And this after everything he did for her Under the Mountain. Hell, he even got whipped because he helped her and almost died as well. To destroy your friends’ life is a great way to show him gratitude. Well done, Feyre! So WHO EXACTLY TREATED WHOM LIKE SH*T AFTER UNDER THE MOUNTAIN, RHYS???!!!! Mhmm??? Care to enlighten me? And one more thing before I come to the end of this rant review: Lucien was in no position to help Feyre because he suffered from PTSD too. That’s something everyone always seems to forget. You can’t help someone else if you’re drowning yourself. And people better keep that in mind before they talk badly about him.

4

I really thought I’d enjoy this novella and then move on to the next trilogy but for some reason those 229 pages kinda irked me. Big time. *lol* I guess that’s mostly due to the fact that all the things I already criticized in ACOWAR seemed to be even more prominent in this short story and I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. Also all the chapters we got from Mor’s POV didn’t contribute anything to the story, which is the main reason I didn’t even mention her in my review. All told this was a nice addition to the first trilogy and a good segue into the next one and I really hope that Sarah J. Maas will tackle all those issues I just pointed out. After all, “Hope dies last”! ;-P

 

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Court of Wings and Ruin (Sarah J. Maas)

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Rating: 4 Pfoten

“Only you can decide what breaks you, Cursebreaker. Only you.”

I really enjoyed this third and last instalment of the ACOTAR series BUT (and there always seems to be a “but” when it comes to “A Court of Wings and Ruin”) I still think that it’s the weakest book in the entire series. Even after rereading it and appreciating the little details that were dropped throughout the entire story I couldn’t help but see the weaknesses of it too. Yes, Sarah J. Maas wrote a great book, but it lacked something the first two books had. Something important that every book should have: A good ending. *lol*

It’s as simple as that! As much as I appreciate all the different threads of the story coming together at the end, the way to get there and how the ending was executed just didn’t do it for me. A huge part of the book has its focus on the war and how to either prevent or to win it, people are persuaded to join ranks, a few surprise guests make their appearances, there are some fighting scenes and a meeting with Feyre’s and Rhy’s allies. Well, and then there’s the war and the final battle. See, it only took me a few sentences to convey the main plot of the book. Don’t get me wrong, there actually happens a lot but many of the things that happen ultimately don’t seem to be important for the overall storyline, which is a shame.

There were so many topics I would have liked to explore, yet Sarah never digged any deeper. All this build up, all those revelations and at the end everything is dealt with in a couple of pages. No matter if it’s the Mor/Cassian/Az dynamic, Lucien/Elain, the Queens from the continent, Rhys long lost allies, etc. Or my favourite:

spoiler

Feyre’s father!!! I mean WTH??!!! Let him come to their rescue even though he apparently never gave a shit about his daughters before, let him name his freaking merchant ships after them and join their forces and then for good measure let us kill him and wrap it up with a bow! Yes, that’s exactly how you dispose of a storyline you would have never been able to explain otherwise. Let it be buried and dead. No questions asked, except of that I have a million of questions and will never get any answers!

So yeah, was this book good? Yes, it was! It kept me glued to the pages and I wanted to know what would happen to my beloved characters. I think we can all agree that Sarah J. Maas can write and that her characters are intriguing and complex. Still, despite all that I can’t help but be salty when it comes to the ending. I wanted a little bit more and I didn’t get it. >_< Which is the reason why this only gets 3,5 paws rounded up to 4 from me. Am I being petty? Maybe, but it is the way I feel and I stand by it. *lol*

This said let’s head to my characters section! There are a lot of things I need to talk about and as expected the GR word limit didn’t suffice! So here I am posting my essay on my blog! 😛 Buckle up!

2

Welcome to my spoilery spoiler section! If you haven’t read the book you better turn around and leave this path as soon as possible. To everyone else who already read ACOWAR: Be my guest and enjoy the ride! ;-P

Feyre:

”I suppose that in the past weeks, I had crafted my demeanor as intricately as one of these paintings. I suppose that if I had also chosen to show myself as I truly wished, I would have been adorned with flesh-shredding talons and hands that choked the life out of those now in my company.”

What can I say about the Feyre in ACOWAR? Well, let’s be honest, shall we? I still feel conflicted about her character in this one. I loved how strong she became by the end of book two and I’m all for more independent and badass female characters, yet I’m still not happy about the way her character arc proceeded in this book. It’s like she lost some part of herself along the way. A part I loved and adored: her compassion! I get why she wanted to destroy Tamlin and his court, but she never even thought about the innocent people that still lived at his court. She just didn’t think about the consequences of her actions and this ultimately led to her regretting them in the end. Which is good because I would have been really mad if she would have been called out on it and wouldn’t have given a damn. *lol* Still, to be strong and self-determined doesn’t mean that she had to treat others the way she did. For instance Lucien. I get it, she has a new family and she’s super content with them, but urgh you can still be happy with your new life and appreciate the good parts of your old one. Truth be told, her behaviour towards Lucien and how she spoke about him with Rhys really made me dislike her A LOT. But oh well, I’ll talk about this in my “the relationships & ships” section and you can bet your lovely behind on the fact that it’s going to be a long, long rant! *lol*

”I will use these powers – my powers – to smash Hybern to bits. I will burn them, and drown them, and freeze them. I will use these powers to heal the injured. To shatter through Hybern’s wards. I have done so already, and I will do so again. And if you think that my possession of a kernel of your magic is your biggest problem, then your priorities are severely out of order.”

Rhysand:

”I was willing to lose my mate to another male. I was willing to let them marry, if it brought her joy. But what I was not willing to do was let her suffer. To let he fade away into a shadow. And the moment that piece of shit blew apart his study, the moment he locked her in that house…” His wings ripped from him, and Lucien started.

It’s kind of funny but I think Feyre’s lost compassion was somehow added to Rhys character instead. *lol* Now that we know about his true feelings and have seen the real Rhysand he seems to be more and more human and we get to witness his weaknesses as well. He is still cunning, sassy, caring and all the other adjectives I used to describe him in my review of ACOMAF, but there’s a soft core to his character now and you can see it shine through. His actions and everything he does, it’s way easier to understand the mind behind it all. And we see how truly broken he was while he had to serve Amarantha during his time under the mountain. What it did to him to do her bidding, what he had to sacrifice in order to keep others safe. Quite honestly, I have no idea how he even managed to keep his sanity. 50 freaking years! T_T I’m can only agree with Feyre here: I love every single part of him. Okay, well, except of the part that dislikes Lucien. *LOL* (Also is it just me or did Rhys actually become too good to be true? No wonder everybody wants a bf like him. XD)

”Rhys sacrificed his legion in the process, got all of them captured and tortured afterward. Yet everyone insists Rhysand is soulless, wicked. But the male I knew was the most decent of them all.”

Lucien:

Lucien sat against a nearby tree, folding one booted ankle over another. “Whatever you’re planning, it’ll land us knee-deep in shit.”

I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART!!! <333 Yes, I’m obsessed with Lucien but really, how is it possible I’m the only person who loves this man?!! Why is everyone so mean to him?! I don’t get it! The inner circle is weary of him and doesn’t really trust him, even worse Feyre and Rhys talk bad about him behind his back and this even though he went through hell and back!!! It’s like Sarah created his character just to torment him. My poor boy is like a kicked puppy and no one is even willing to lend him a hand. WHY??!!! After everything he did for Feyre: he got whipped and tortured because he helped her, he almost died because Amarantha wanted him to pay for it, he tried to talk some sense into Tamlin and got hurt because of it, he got raped and abused by Ianthe because he did what Tam couldn’t in order to keep the spring court alive. His own family hates him and wants to see him dead, his best friend isn’t talking to him anymore, his freaking mate can’t even be bothered to look at him!!! ARHKADFKASJDFAKSDFJASDFK! Sarah I ask you: When will you finally have enough of torturing my boy?! And now to add even more fun to it, it’s revealed that he’s Helion’s son! My heart broke so often for him in this book. Like every single moment when Elain didn’t look at him, when he was surprised about the children in Velaris, when Tam ignored him… I swear if he doesn’t get the spotlight and a HEA after this I’m going to riot and won’t continue to read the other three books of ACOTAR. I mean it!

”Would you want it – your father’s crown?”
“No one’s ever asked me that,” Lucien mused as we moved on, dodging fallen, rotting apples. The air was sticky-sweet. “The bloodshed that would be required to earn that crown wouldn’t be worth it. Neither would its festering court. I’d gain a crown – only to rule over a crafty, two-faced people.”

At last, Lucien looked at me. At us.
He said, “There are children laughing in the streets.”
I blinked. He said it with such… quiet surprise. As if he hadn’t heard the sound in a long, long time.

”And you love him. And he – he truly does love you.” Lucien dragged a hand through his red hair. “And all these people I have spent my centuries hating, even fearing… they are your family.”

My friends glanced to each other. Mor said, “It will be – very dangerous.”
A half smile curved Lucien’s mouth. “Good. It’d be boring otherwise.”

Cassian:

”Good,” Cassian said, glancing at Nesta. “If I end my life defending those who need it most, then I will consider it a death well spent.”

Cassian really grew on me in this one and I’m glad he’s part of Rhys inner circle because he actually seems to be the only one who dares to call Rhys out! *lol* I loved that he confronted him with the fact that he always wants to save everyone and doesn’t even think about the possibility that people feel the same way about him. His character has so much potential and even though we got to see more of him in ACOWAR I still feel like I don’t really know him. I need more of his character and I’m pretty sure that we will get a lot of him in those next three books. Well, at least I hope so! XD

”So you’re allowed to be mad about our choices to protect you – and we’re not allowed to be furious with you for your self-sacrificing bullshit?”

”I’m a warrior. I’ve walked beside Death my entire life. I would be more afraid for her, to have that power. But not afraid of her.” He considered, and added after a heartbeat, “Nothing about Nesta could frighten me.”

Mor:

”I hate war.”
“Likewise.”
“Not just for the death and awfulness,” Mor went on. “But because of what it does to us. These decisions.”

How is it possible that Mor is such a wise and strong woman but completely insecure when it comes to other things? I hated to see her get all weak in front of Eris, Beron and her father. She hides it well, but deep down within her she’s still so very broken. What they did to her… No one should have to experience anything like that. >_< Poor Mor! Still, after everything that was revealed in this book I can’t help but feel very conflicted about her character. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Mor, but urgh seriously Sarah, how could you?!! This is the worst, I repeat: THE WORST bi rep I ever read about in my entire life. In fact I’d even go as far as to say that this is the reason why people think that you can’t have a serious relationship when you’re bi. Urgh! Just urgh! Right now I have no words and that’s really, really rare!!! Let’s hope I’ll be able to write something coherent in the “relationships & ships” section. >_<

”We’re all broken,” Mor said. “In our own ways – in places no one might see.”

”I do find pleasure in them. In both.” Her hands were shaking so fiercely that she gripped herself even tighter. “But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m … attracted to them more over males. That I connect with them, care for them more on that soul-deep level.”

Azriel:

Again that dry, quiet smile. “Why do you think Illyrians are so fit?”
“Why did no one warn me about this cocky side of yours?”

Let’s move on to more pleasant themes, like for instance Az! I really began to appreciate his character in this. In ACOMAF he was always the silent presence in the background and we didn’t get to see an awful lot of his character. This time around however, more facets of him and his life were revealed and I loved every single one of them. ❤ Azriel is such a sweet character and in the right company, when he feels secure enough to open up, he’s even pretty funny. *lol* I really hope to see more of him in the next 3 books and considering his particular situation with Elain, I’m pretty sure my wish will be granted. XD

Azriel, wreathed in shadows by the front door, chuckled quietly. Cassian shot him a glare. “I don’t see you sprouting poetry, brother.”
Azriel crossed his arms, still smiling faintly. “I don’t need to resort to it.”

Amren:

”You should kill Beron and his sons and set up the handsome one as High Lord of Autumn, self-imposed exile or no. It will make life easier.”

I always knew why I love Amren! *lol* For that sentence alone she would have gotten in my good books. XD I think after this book we all know how she feels about Rhys and his inner circle. 😉 I always knew it, but it’s good I was proven right! To hear about how she got out of the prison was heart-breaking though and I can only imagine how she must have felt living in her new body. So much raw power trapped in that small form of hers. I was really shocked when I realized that she betrayed Feyre but she did it for a good reason and after everything that was revealed I can’t hold it against her. Also her and Varian!!! <33 I loved those two and I wanted to see more of them! Varian has guts! Boy, does he have guts to pursue a relationship with her! He’s my hero and once again a character I’d love to see in those other three books! 😉

”You did not fit – the mold that they shoved you into. The path you were born upon and forced to walk. You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And then the path changed.” A little nod. “I know – what it is to be that way. I remember it, long ago as it was.”

”I yielded my grace – my perfect immortality. I knew that once I did… I would feel pain. And regret. I would want, and I would burn with it. I would… fall. But I was – the time locked away down there… I didn’t care. I had not felt the wind on my face, had not smelled the rain… I did not even remember what they felt like. I did not remember sunlight.”

”I wasn’t entirely sure how Varian managed to walk them out of the tent while still kissing her, Amren’s hands dragging through his hair, letting out noises that were unnervingly like purring as they vanished into the camp.”

3

Feyre & Rhys:

”I’m grateful,” he said after a while, as the camp beneath us stirred in the building light. “To have you at my side. I don’t know if I ever told you that – how grateful I am to have you stand with me.”

Their relationship is still solid and wholesome! ❤ I love how they respect each other and talk things out. They don’t have any secrets (well at least none regarding their relationship) and they are the equal of each other, which makes for a really nice relationship dynamic. A lot of YA books have that alpha male vibe going on so it’s refreshing to have a counterweight with Sarah’s books. If there is one thing I feel an urge to point out, then it’s the fact that they are almost too good to be true. *lol* They finally found each other in ACOMAF and they somehow became an inseparable item in ACOWAR. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where Feyre ends and Rhys begins. XD I know that’s some sort of weird criticism but I feel like both of their characters lost their independence and a part of what made them… well them, because of their relationship. It’s something I already noticed in Sarah’s “Throne of Glass” series and it happened in here again. Maybe that’s because Sarah is such a fan of all consuming and encompassing love? Yes, you’re allowed to call me a bean counter. I won’t hold it against you. ;-P This relationships is still one of the best in the entire YA genre so there’s that. XD

“I see all of you, Rhys. And there is not one part that I do not love with everything I am.”

Feyre & Lucien:

”This situation is terrible,” I said, and it was the truth.
A low snort.
I knocked my knee against his. “Don’t let Jurian bait you. He’s doing it to feel out any weaknesses between us.”

Well, yes Feyre, what was your grand plan for Lucien? He would have been fine? Really? IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK??!! Fine while Ianthe rapes and abuses him, fine while Tamlin hurts him, fine while his only home is destroyed? Nope, no he wouldn’t have been fine and you know it! I think it’s exactly the other way around; Lucien is a better friend to her than she ever was to him! Also Feyre’s holier-than-thou attitude! She’s disgusted by the idea of Lucien being intimate with Elain, because her sister is such an oh so precious flower and he’s got autumn fire in his veins? Really? Seriously? You and Rhys romp around the entire book and you’re disgusted by the idea Lucien might have sex with Elain?!! WTF?! And all that talk about Lucien’s mind being a miserable place to be? Well, you certainly didn’t give him any reason to feel better! GRRRR!!! I’m just angry, really angry at Feyre and I still think Lucien deserves a better friend than that! #FightMe! #I’llNeverGetTiredOfDefendingAndLovingLucienVanserra

”Well? What was your grand plan for me before Ianthe interfered?”
I pulled at a stray thread in the bedroll. “You would have been fine,” was all I said.

”I wish I had been there to stop it. I should have been there to stop it.” I meant every word.
Lucien squeezed our linked arms as we rounded a hedge, the house rising up before us. “You are a better friend to me, Feyre,” he said quietly, “than I ever was to you.”

Lucien loosed a heavy sigh and slid an arm around my waist, the other threading through my hair to cradle my head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”
He held me, stroking soothing lines down my back, and I calmed my weeping, those seawater tears drying up like wet sand in the sun.

Mor, Az & Cassian:

”And … I think it might shatter him if I revealed afterward that… I’m not sure I can give me entire heart to him that way. And… I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself… I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too.”

And since I’m already in such a ranty mood I’ll tackle the next topic that made me angry af! *lol* I do understand why Cassian is Mor’s and Az’s buffer and as it seems he doesn’t really mind to be in this particular position, what I really disliked was the fact that Mor strung Az along for centuries! CENTURIES! Guys, we’re not talking about only a few months or years here, we’re talking about centuries!!! O_o Just because she was scared to tell him how she felt?! That she’s bisexual and likes both female and male? And what the hell is all this bullshit about not being able to give her entire heart to him?! She didn’t even TRY!!! What if they would have worked out?! What if they would have been happy? I love Sarah’s books but this is such a bad bi rep that it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Just because you like both that doesn’t mean that you can’t be in a serious relationship with only one!!! Just say that you don’t see him as the person you want to spend your entire life with. There’s no shame in admitting that you love a person but don’t love her/him THAT way. If there ever was an example of “how not to do bi reps” it certainly would be this one. Reps like that are the reason why everyone thinks we only want the good things from both sides and can’t settle down. Why people think we can’t be in a serious relationship. Sure sooner or later you’ll have to decide but if it’s the right person it’s not even a decision it’s just LOVE!!! No matter the gender! *sighs deeply* Okay, I’m done with my rant. If you’re an author and read this: Make sure to reach out to beta readers that represent the characters you want to portray. I think this could have been prevented if anyone would have counter-checked the bi rep. (Also bisexual Helion – as much as I love him – was portrayed as a person who only wants fun and can’t have a serious relationship. Ouch, just ouch.)
I’m not okay with Sarah using Mor’s bisexuality in order to explain why she strung along Az for centuries. I’ll never be okay with this. Period! *shakes head*

Elain, Azriel & Lucien:

”It has never failed me once,” the shadowsinger said, the midday sun devoured by the dark blade. “Some people say it is magic and will always strike true.” He gently took her hand and pressed the hilt of the legendary blade into it. “It will serve you well.”

Haha! Okay, as it seems I’m still not done with my rant because here comes the next topic that left a nasty taste in my mouth. (Can we just agree that the relationships in this were kind of maddening? *lol*) I hate how Elain treated Lucien and I’m not okay with Sarah introducing Az as a possible love interest. Not because I think they’d make no good couple, believe it or not, I think they’d make a way better couple than Elain and Lucien, but because this love triangle is so unnecessary! If Sarah wanted Elain to be with Az, why not go in this direction right from the beginning? Does Lucien really need another reason to feel unwanted and unloved? Was it really necessary to hurt that poor man even more? Elain and Az have a harmony Lucien and her will never have, because they are both quiet and rather introvert characters. I’m all for Azriel and Elain, but not at the cost of Lucien’s feelings! And I swear if Lucien doesn’t find another mate and gets a decent HEA I’ll be soo mad! Gosh, I just want him to be happy, is this too much to ask for?!!! T_T

”Well, I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live, but … yes, I’m in one piece.”
A faint smile bloomed on Elain’s lips.

Nesta & Cassian:

”Cassian’s eyes did not leave Nesta’s; nor did hers leave his. There was no warmth, no tenderness on either of their faces. Only that raging intensity, that blend of contempt and understanding and fire.”

And welcome to ranty round four! *lol* I think we can all agree that Cassian deserves better than her, right?! Why does Nesta of all people have to be his mate?! Yes, I know no one ever confirmed that she is his mate but seriously, after all that icy chemistry I’m about 99,9% sure that she is. Or will become in the following books. I just hope that Sarah will give us an amazing and most of all believable character arc, because otherwise I won’t be able to ship this ship! If Nesta doesn’t change her attitude and stays the way she is right now, I don’t see myself boarding this ship. Ever. I know to redeem her character will take a lot of work and I sincerely hope that Sarah is up for this challenge. I want to ship them… the way things are at the moment I can’t though. But hey, miracles happen! So let’s see if this will be the case here. ;-P

”You went off to battle for a court you barely know – who barely see you as friends. Amren showed me the blood ruby. And when I asked you why… you said because it was the right thing. People needed help.” Her throat bobbed. “No one is going to fight to save the humans beneath the wall. No one cares. But I do.” She toyed with a fold in her dress. “I do.”

Cassian grunted in pain, but lifted his bloodied hands – to cup her face. “I have no regrets in my life, but this.” His voice shook with every word. “That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta.” She didn’t stop him as he leaned up and kissed her – lightly. As much as he could manage.

4

I really hoped that I’d love this more after my reread, but if anything to read ACOWAR a second time around only helped me to be able to point out its flaws. I’m glad I decided to go for a second round though. There were so many details that got lost when I read it for the very first time because back then my focus was rather on paging through the book instead of appreciating its many details. This said ACOWAR was a fun ride with quite a few flaws and even though I love most (if not all) of the characters I still believe that a lot of things should have been handled differently or at least could have been done better. It’s just my opinion though and who knows? Maybe Sarah will work on all those flaws in the next three books? I’m definitely ready to find out! ;-P

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Darker Shade of Magic (V.E. Schwab)

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Rating: 5 Pfoten

Book 10 on My Book List 2019

”Magic was a truly beautiful disease.”

And it was such a pleasure to read about it! XD I can’t say how much I loved and adored this book! Alone the magic in this was everything and it was so dark and twisted that it was a delight to read about it. In “A Darker Shade of Magic” magic is a living and breathing thing and it can help and heal at least as much as it can corrupt and destroy. In my opinion this was a really great concept and I lived and breathed for the execution of it.

”The words themselves were less important than the focus they brought to the speaker’s mind, the connection they helped to form, the power they tapped into. In short, the language did not matter, only the intention did.”

Still, it wasn’t only the magical aspect of this book that kept me glued to the pages. The mere idea of four different parallel Londons that exist next to each other was more than just intriguing as well. Sure, we didn’t get to see an awful lot of them because the characters travel through them and don’t stay all too long, the little I saw was enough to keep me hooked though. 😉 London is my favourite city and the mere idea to explore four different versions of this town already made me feel like I won the jackpot. *lol*

And last but not least “A Darker Shade of Magic” had its fair share of intriguing and complex characters that caused my eyes to sparkle. We all know that I can’t resist the temptation of morally grey and ambivalent characters so it’s no surprise that I savoured this like a delicious gourmet dinner. Alone the villains of this book!!! The Dane Twins were such evil creatures yet I couldn’t help but want to read more about them. Ohh and Holland! Don’t even get me started on Holland! ❤ Or well, maybe I actually should start to talk about him. In the characters section, of course! ;-P

2

Good afternoon, fellow Antari! It’s a good day to travel between the worlds but be careful nevertheless. There is always a shadow lurking at the next corner of the street and if you’re not cautious it will not only attack you but also spoil you big time as well! Tread carefully, my dear friend! You’re being observed by dark forces. 😉

Kell:

”Kell tipped his head so that his copper hair tumbled out of his eyes, revealing not only the crisp blue of the left one but the solid black of the right. A black that ran edge to edge, filling white and iris both. There was nothing human about that eye. It was pure magic. The mark of a blood magician. Of an Antari.”

I’m such a sucker for red-heads and Kell is really yummy. ;-P I can’t help it! Really! They are my kryptonite. Ask Lucien. *lol* Anyway, Kell is a really interesting character and he definitely has more depth than initially meets the eye. On the outside you might think that he’s the typical hero, but the more I discovered about his life, the more I felt sorry for him. He is part of the royal family and might seem to have it all, but when push came to shove his true status among the royals was revealed and my heart ached for him. I know Lila didn’t understand what he meant but by the end of the book it became pretty clear that he wasn’t really a family member but rather a valuable asset. At least when it came to his “parents”. Despite this he still had his own moral code and acted according to it, even if it meant that he was at a disadvantage when he had to face Holland and the Dane twins. Poor Kell! I had the feeling in some way or another he was figuratively and quite literally bleeding throughout the entire book. *lol* Let’s hope things will get better for him in “A Gathering of Shadows”! 😉

”Magic was a living thing – that, everyone knew – but to Kell it felt like more, like a friend, like family. It was, after all, a part of him (much more than it was a part of most) and he couldn’t help feeling like it knew what he was saying, what he was feeling, not only when he summoned it, but always, in every heartbeat and every breath.”

She always went looking for the truth in his right eye, as if it were a scrying board, something to be gazed into, seen past. But what she saw, she never shared. Kell took her hand and kissed it. “I’m fine, Your Majesty.” She gave him a weary look, and he corrected himself. “Mother.”

”I said Rhy forgave them.” Kell pushed to his feet. “I never said I did.”

Lila Bard:

”Death comes for everyone,” she said simply. “I’m not afraid of dying. But I am afraid of dying here.” She swept her hand over the room, the tavern, the city. “I’d rather die on an adventure than live standing still.”

I’m not entirely sure if I like Lila or not. XD I mean I admire her resilience and stubbornness but I think sometimes she was way too sure of herself and that got her into a lot of trouble. *lol* But oh well, when it comes down to it there is no denying that I actually like her. Her character seems to be somewhat of an acquired taste and I’m curious if she’ll truly become a pirate in the end. Also I could relate to her when it came to her choice of clothes. I would have gone for the boy’s clothes in a heartbeat as well. ;-P (Could it be that Lila is non-binary or gender fluid?!) Generally speaking I think it wasn’t easy to relate to her because she kept everyone at a distance and didn’t let anything get too close to her. For me this made it kind difficult to gauge her character and I hope we’ll get a better grip on it in the next two books. Now that I think about it, I had the same feeling when it came to Blue Sargent throughout the first two books of “The Raven Cycle”. I only really got to know her in “Blue Lily, Lily Blue” so I hope the same will happen with Lila in the next book. XD

”What are you?” he asked, amazed.
Lila only shrugged. “Stubborn.”

”Love doesn’t keep us from freezing to death, Kell,” she continued, “or starving, or being knifed for the coins in our pocket. Love doesn’t buy us anything, so be glad for what you have and who you have because you may want for things but you need for nothing.”

Holland:

”He didn’t know if it was the evenness in the man’s tone or his strangely faded appearance or his haunted eyes – one black, of course, the other a milky green. Or perhaps it was the way he seemed to be made more of water and stone than flesh and blood and soul.”

I love Holland, okay?! I know he’s supposed to be one of the villains but seriously, how could I not adore him?! ❤ His character was so multi-layered, complex, calculating, determined and cruel. It was so nice to watch him in action. *lol* I just can’t resist a decent villain and Holland had all the makings of one. XD Especially an intriguing background story. I really wish we would have gotten more of it though. I mean we only got the necessary details to keep the story moving but there are so many things I would have loved to read about. I guess it was Schwab’s intention to keep us in the dark, because this might sound paranoid but I’m CONVINCED that Holland will reappear in the next book! I don’t buy his death!!! There’s no way he died! He said it’s hard to kill an Antari and he was still breathing and alive when Kell sent him to Black London. THE SOURCE of black magic! Hell, this has trouble written all over it! If you ask me Kell basically handed him the means to come back even stronger! >_< Kell is so going to regret this!

”Looking into Holland’s eye made her skin crawl. Dark things swirled just beneath the smooth black depths. One word whispered through her mind. Run.”

”Hesitation is the death of advantage,” mused Holland and Kell fought in vain against the metal pinnings.

”I hope you made him suffer,” she spat, turning towards the looming castle.
No, thought Kell as they set off. He suffered long enough.

Rhy:

“Yes. Because unless you plan to wed me yourself – and don’t get me wrong, I think we’d make a dashing pair – I must try and find a mate.”
“And you think you’ll find one traipsing around the city?”
“Goodness, no,” said Rhy with a crooked grin. “But who knows what fun I’ll find while failing.”

Rhy is such a precious bean! He gave me Nikolai and Hypnos vibes so it’s no wonder I almost instantly adored him! *lol* He sounds like a lot of fun but unfortunately we didn’t get to see all too much of him in this book. I hope that will change in the next one though. (Also he seems to be unapologetically bi and I live and breathe for characters like that!!!) Still, judging by the little we saw and heard of him I can already tell that he loves Kell like a brother and would never do anything to harm him. I can’t help but wonder what he thinks about his parent’s reaction though. If Kell wouldn’t have been bound to him they would have either killed him or sent him to prison so it’s pretty obvious that Kell was right about their intentions all along. I can’t wait to see more of funny, caring and kind Rhy so there better be more scenes with him in “A Gathering of Shadows”. Also was it just me or did Holland and Rhy actually flirt with each other? It’s such a shame he was merely a means to an end for him. I bet from now on Rhy won’t trust people as easily as before.

Rhy’s hands curled into fists. “How could you?” he said, and Kell worried that the prince was bitter about being tethered to him. Instead, Rhy said, “How could you carry that weight?”

Rhy laughed silently. “I apologize for anything I might have done. I was not myself.”
“I apologize for shooting you in the leg,” said Lila. “I was myself entirely.”
Rhy broke into his perfect smile.
“I like this one,” he said to Kell.

The Dane Twins:

”Jealous?” he asked. Holland’s two-toned eyes held Athos’s, the green and the black both steady, unblinking. “He suffered,” added Athos softly. “But not like you.” He brought his mouth closer. “No one suffers as beautifully as you.”

Okay! Can anyone please tell me how exactly Holland suffered?!!! I mean it’s indicated that there was something sexual and cruel going on between Athos and him but WHAT EXACTLY??!!! Apparently the Dane Twins had a reputation of torturing and forcing people to do their will. And Holland was under their spell as well so I can only assume that he suffered kind of “Rhysand/Amarantha style”? Also there was only a brief mention that Holland didn’t win the throne because he wasn’t cruel enough to take it before the Danes did. What exactly happened before they ascended the White throne?! I really wish we would have gotten more details here, because this really sounded like an interesting story! Either way the Dane twins gave me the creeps. Astrid even more than her brother Athos. Magic and malice indeed. *shudders* They made for pretty intriguing villains for sure. XD I’m just glad Kell never became Astrid’s toy. He certainly wouldn’t have survived it.

”Astrid Dane is made of magic and malice.”

3

Lila & Kell:

”You don’t know anything about these worlds,” he said, but the fight was bleeding out of his voice.
“Sure I do,” countered Lila cheerfully. “There’s Dull London, Kell London, Creepy London, and Dead London,” she recited, ticking them off on her fingers. “See? I’m a fast learner.”

Is it just me or was Kell ending up on Lila’s bed TWICE in one night some sort of a broad hint? The first time it was even BDSM style! *lol* I guess we all know in which direction their future relationship is going to head. Haha! ;-P Also they kissed at least twice for good luck as well and they both had more luck than brain. Right after the motto “Fortune favours fools!” So they didn’t need the luck but obviously were looking for an opportunity to kiss. XD They were very different but for some reason they still worked. Maybe it’s because they balance each other and magic is all about balance as we already learned. Plus they are both Antari. I wonder how their relationship is going to continue. There is a lot of potential that only needs to be explored. ;-P

”I’m not going to die,” she said. “Not till I’ve seen it.”
“Seen what?”
Her smile widened. “Everything.”
Kell smiled back. And then Lila brought her free hand to his jaw and tugged his mouth towards hers. The kiss was there and then gone, like one of her smiles.

A wry smile cut across Lila’s mouth. “You’re a smuggler.”
“Says the pickpocket,” snapped Kell defensively.

Rhy & Kell:

”What sons our parents have,” said Kell gently. “Between the two of us, we’ll tear the whole world down.”

They might not be brothers by blood but they are brothers by heart! ❤ I loved their relationship so much and I was so glad that Rhy truly cared about Kell! Which is more than can be said about his parents, but Kell already knew that. >_< I felt so sorry for him but at least he has Rhy and he wouldn’t allow anything to happen to him. Those two seem to balance each other as well and I’m kind of beginning to see a pattern here. *lol* In their relationship dynamic it seems like Rhy is the daredevil who gets into trouble though and Kell is more the mature and responsible one. I can only imagine in which kind of mess they’ll get in the next book. One thing is for sure, I can’t wait to read more about this brotherly duo! ;-P

”He looked up and saw me crouching over him, bleeding, and the first thing he said wasn’t ‘What happened?’ or ‘Where are we?’ He touched the blood on his chest and said, ‘Is it yours? Is it all yours?’ and when I nodded, he burst into tears, and I took him home.”

4

I absolutely LOVED this! “A Darker Shade of Magic” had everything I’m looking for in a book. There was (dark) magic, there were four parallel Londons and there were lots of complex characters I couldn’t help but want to read more about. Yes, the world building and some of the characters themselves might have been rather sketchy, but knowing Schwab I’m certain that we’ll get more details in the following books. This was only just the beginning and what a marvellous one it was! XD

 

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Court of Mist and Fury (Sarah J. Maas)

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Rating: 5 Pfoten

”To the stars who listen – and the dreams that are answered.”

I’ve said it about a thousand times and I’ll say it again and again: This book is one of the best – if not the best – sequel I ever had the pleasure to read! There I said it and I’ll stand by it no matter how old I grow or how often I’ll hear that Sarah J. Maas is overusing the word “mate”. *lol*

Yes, it’s true, but damn she can write and she creates characters that stay with you long after you closed the book. They are unique, they are complex and they have amazing character arcs that involuntarily cause you to root for them. Even her side characters are intriguing and well-thought-out and the fact that she’s not only able to write great fighting scenes but also kicks some serious ass when it comes to the world building department is definitely the delicious topping on my book cupcake!

To be entirely honest, I think there’s only one thing Sarah J. Maas can’t do and that’s to write a decent and convincing LGBTQ+ character who’s not a side-charrie but one of the MCs! *lol* If she ever manages to pull that off her books will go into my shopping cart without a second thought. ;-P
(Who am I kidding? They already end up there anyway. XD)

Still, for now I’m just glad that I was able to read all those other amazing books she wrote and ACOMAF will always have a special place in my heart! This book was nothing but awesome and even after reading it for a second time I’m still as devastated as I was when I read it for the very first time. This book destroyed me in the best way possible and no matter how often I read it, I’ll never get over chapter 54!!!! <333 I’m still reeling from it and I think I’ll always have to wipe away tears while reading it. >_< The emotional overload that happens in this one is real! XD

And because I’m charged with emotions right now this is going to be a super long review! This said, let’s go for the good stuff! 😉

2

For all of you who are new to this: Welcome to my spoilery spoiler section! I’m pretty cruel and relentless when it comes to spoilers (faerie heritage) so if you decide to ignore my warning be aware of the fact that you brought this on yourself. ;-P

Feyre:

”I had a long list in my head of what places I could and couldn’t endure at the manor, ranked by precisely how much they made my body lock up and sweat.”

Poor Feyre! This sentence alone tells us enough to know that she isn’t the girl she used to be at the beginning of ACOTAR. But then again this is what happens when you endure captivity and torture, when you fight for your life, die and then still come out of it alive again. At the beginning of this book Feyre is thoroughly broken and after everything that happened to her this felt more than just realistic. I loved how Sarah allowed her to be this broken thing, how she didn’t shy away from portraying a character that has gone through hell and back. A girl that somehow managed to dig herself out of the abyss, just to realize how much she lost along the way. Plus her character arc is amazing! ❤ One of my favourite scenes in this book is Feyre flinging a shoe at Rhysand! Not only because it’s hilarious but also because you can see that there is still some fight left in her! It gave me hope to see that spark and this moment actually kind of initiates the beginning of her healing process. Of course it takes time and a lot of courage on her part but the end result of her journey is masterly done! =) This said I’m so ready to see the Feyre of book 3! *lol*

”That girl who had needed to be protected, who had craved stability and comfort… she had died Under the Mountain. I had died, and there had been no one to protect me from those horrors before my neck snapped. So I had done it myself. And I would not, could not, yield that part of me that had awoken and transformed Under the Mountain.”

”I killed them.” I hadn’t said the words aloud since it had happened.
Cassian’s lips tightened. “I know.” Not condemnation, not praise. But grim understanding.
My hands slackened as another shuddering sob worked its way through me. “It should have been me.”

Rhysand:

”You are no one’s subject.”

Ohh do I love this man!!! I swear Rhysand is one of THE book boyfriends every girl secretly craves for! Seductive, sexy, sassy, easy on the eyes, caring, gentle, cunning & witty! I probably could go on and on with those adjectives. *lol* Suffice it to say that he’s a perfectly done character! Mind you: perfectly done, not perfect! He has his rough edges as well and you’ll love him even more for it! Still, just like Feyre he endured a lot. He suffered, he got tortured and raped, he sacrificed himself in order to protect the people he loves and cares about. He’s such a complex and multi-layered character that it’s already a pleasure just to read about him. Plus what I probably love the most about Rhys is that he always, really A.L.W.A.Y.S gives her a choice!!! He doesn’t decide things over her head, he allows her to make her own mistakes, her own decisions, he always wants her to give him her consent and THIS is everything!!! If there’s one thing I don’t like about Rhysand then it’s the fact that he doesn’t like Lucien and always talks about him badly! He respects him but he doesn’t like him and I hope this will get better in the books to follow. >_<

Rhys said quietly, “I was a prisoner in her court for nearly fifty years. I was tortured and beaten and fucked until only telling myself who I was, what I had to protect, kept me from trying to find a way to end it. Please – help me keep that from happening again.”

”He had stayed. And fought for me.
Week after week, he’d fought for me, even when I had no reaction, even when I had barely been able to speak or bring myself to care if I lived or died or ate or starved. I couldn’t leave him to his own dark thoughts, his own guilt. He’d shouldered them alone long enough.”

”Because you’ve only started to look at me like I’m not a monster, and I can’t stomach the idea of anything you see tomorrow, being beneath that mountain, putting you back into that place where I found you.”

”You think I don’t know how stories get written – how this story will be written?” Rhys put his hands on his chest, his face more open, more anguished than I’d seen it. “I am the dark lord, who stole away the bride of spring. I am a demon, and a nightmare, and I will meet a bad end. He is the golden prince – the hero who will get to keep you as his reward for not dying of stupidity and arrogance.”

”So she began to trust me more than the others. Especially when I proved what I could do to her enemies. But I was glad to do it. I hated myself, but I was glad to do it. After a decade, I stopped expecting to see my friends or my people again. I forgot what their faces looked like. And I stopped hoping.”

Cassian:

”Your sister died – died to save my people. She is willing to do so again to protect you from war. So don’t expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make – and insult my people in the process.”

Cassian is so precious! He’s really an amazing guy and I loved him for being the buffer everyone relies on! I swear if it wouldn’t have been for him they’d have all been at each other’s throats a long time ago! *lol* It’s kind of funny how my perception of him changed after reading ACOMAF for a second time though. The first time around he was just a part of Rhys inner circle, this time however I began to see the many different facets his character is made of. Most of the time he hides behind his humour but every once in a while we get a true glimpse of his character and see his caring and more serious side. I really want to see more of him and I hope that Sarah will grant my wish! ;-P

”None of us… we don’t think it’s a joke. What you did was a hard call. A really damn hard call. It was just my shitty way of trying to see if you needed to talk about it. I’m sorry,” he repeated, letting go.

Mor:

“If he pisses you off, Feyre, feel free to shove him over the rail of the nearest balcony.”

Ahh Mor!!! She’s my book girlfriend and I adore her so much! That’s what I call a strong woman! It’s kind of intriguing how everyone seems to know THE Morrigan, but seems to fail to see Mor. I think deep down within her she’s still insecure and has her own demons that haunt her in her dreams. She’s just better at hiding them and even admitted as much to Feyre when they spoke about her going back to the Court of Nightmares. You’d think that she’d be afraid of seeing her family after everything they did to her and I guess some part of her is, but that certainly doesn’t stop her from defying them by breathing down their necks! *lol* Such an awesome woman! <333 *swoons*

”I landed at the Night Court, right as Mor was waiting for me, and I was so frantic, so … unhinged, that I told her everything. I hadn’t seen her in fifty years, and my first words to her were, ‘She’s my mate.’”

Amren:

”For what it’s worth, I’m the most powerful High Lord in Prythian’s history, and merely interrupting Amren is something I’ve only done once in the past century.”

That’s exactly the way Amren is introduced to us and I loved it! XD I know she’s supposed to be scary and intimidating and she is all of those things, but despite everyone claiming that she has no heart and is an entirely different creature than the faeries she lives among, I still got the impression that she feels more deeply and more truly than most of them. She sees things the way they are and she’s not prone to deception. Amren knows Rhys true nature and she decided to become a part of his inner circle so I think that says a lot about her. Also the way she talks about him – no matter if it’s done nonchalantly and absent-minded – tells us everything we need to know. She admires him and his cause and she loves him for who he really is. And this is the only reason she’s decided to join his court! Period! No one can persuade me otherwise! 😉 Tiny, deadly and scary Amren has a BIG HEART!!! And she’d probably rip mine out of my chest if she’d see that I wrote this. *lol*

”The Court of Dreams is founded on three things: to defend, to honor, and to cherish. Were you expecting brute strength and obedience? Many of Rhysand’s top officials have little to no power. He values loyalty, cunning, compassion.”

”Tempting, but no. The prick can’t decide if he hates or wants me.”
“Why can’t it be both?”
A low chuckle. “Indeed.”

”Touch me, Cassian, and I’ll remove your favourite part. Small as it might be.”

”We are lucky to have him, Feyre.” I turned from the door. “I have known many High Lords,” Amren continued, studying her paper. “Cruel ones, cunning ones, weak ones, powerful ones. But never one that dreamed. Not as he does.”

Lucien:

Lucien held his gaze. “Worse things have happened, worse things can happen. Just relax.”
Tamlin’s emerald eyes were feral as he snarled at Lucien, “Did I ask for your opinion?”

My poor, poor, precious fox boy! T_T I love this book but boy do I hate what happens to him in here! I mean Feyre is his only friend and he really tried to help her! Hell, he even pleaded for her, tried to persuade Tamlin to loosen the reins and yet everything he gets is a Feyre that turns away from him, a Tamlin that hurts him and an Ianthe that abuses him! This is NOT fair!! I think everyone only sees what Lucien didn’t manage to do and therefore forgets what he actually TRIED to do. He tried to be there for his friends. He was caught between a rock and a hard place and he had no choice whatsoever! I hate how Tam treated him in this one and I’m pretty sure he even hurt him physically! I mean he almost hurt Feyre and the only thing that saved her was her protective shield. Lucien doesn’t have one of those and I’m sure he suffered a lot of abuse while Feyre was away. Not only from Ianthe but also from his own friend which is cruel on so many levels! >_< I love Lucien and I’ll defend him with my life! Fight me if you want to, but he is precious, innocent and he deserves to be loved!!! <333

”Lucien had gone on, his tone pleading, Tamlin. Tam. Just let her train, let her mast this – if the other High Lords do come for her, let her stand a chance …”

3

Feyre & Tamlin:

”He never woke when the nightmares dragged me from sleep; never woken when I vomited my guts up night after night. If he knew or heard, he said nothing about it.”

Okay, I’m going to be honest here. In some way I even feel sorry for Tam. He did a lot of bad and horrible things in this one and yes, he acted like an – excuse my crude language – asshole! I’m sure he had to endure horrible things under Amarantha as well, but in contrast to Feyre and Rhys he decided to ignore them. He couldn’t deal with the things that happened and therefore suppressed his pain and anger until it quite literally exploded out of him. I don’t know why he acted that way, maybe it was misguided pride or he never learned to talk about his feelings but to keep them to himself certainly was the wrong way to deal with them. Instead of supporting Feyre he decided to shut her out completely and it’s no surprise that things eventually ended the way they did. There was no trust left between them and if you can’t trust the person you love, that love is already doomed. The one time she tried to reach out to him he almost killed her by shattering the study so I don’t blame Feyre for backing out of this destructive and abusive relationship. Maybe Tamlin will get over it one day… but I’m convinced this won’t happen all too soon. >_<

”I’m drowning,” I managed to say. “I am drowning. And the more you do this, the more guards… you might as well be shoving my head under the water.”

”I’ll try to be better,” he said again. “Please – give me more time. Let me… let me get through this. Please.” Get through what? I wanted to ask.

Feyre & Lucien:

”Lucien had gifted both to me – the dagger during the months before Amarantha, the belt in the weeks after her downfall, when I’d carried the dagger, along with many others, everywhere I went. You might as well look good if you’re going to arm yourself to the teeth, he’d said.”

Ahh I hate what happened to their friendship in ACOMAF! I recognize that Feyre had to pull free of her destructive relationship with Tamlin but I hate that Lucien got hurt in the process. It was good for Feyre to get some distance between them, but I can only imagine what it did to Lucien. Yes, everyone only sees Feyre’s POV but did anyone ever stop for a second and think about what this meant for Lucien? No?! I’m sure a lot of people blame him for the things that happened but the bitter truth is this: If Feyre wasn’t able to get through to Tamlin, how was Lucien supposed to do it?! Think about what happened in the first book! Wasn’t Amarantha the person that ripped out Lucien’s eye? Wasn’t she the one that whipped him and kept his wounds open for days just because he helped Feyre with her task?! What I’m trying to say is that they all suffered! I’m sure Lucien is at least as broken as Feyre, only that he had no one that would have helped him to get out of this dark hole. Feyre had Rhys who dragged her out, but who was there for Lucien? How can you expect him to help her if he wasn’t even in a position to help himself?! Even worse, Feyre had a way out! She could escape Tamlin! But Lucien? He was forced to stay there, with no other court to go to, no one that would have helped him to deal with things and he had to endure Tam’s rage and Ianthe’s abuse! So to everyone who judges Lucien for his behaviour in this book: Think carefully about what he had to go through and then tell me that he was able to help Feyre! If you can’t do this then, my friend, Lucien is innocent and deserves our compassion instead of our hatred. #I’llNeverGetTiredOfDefendingAndLovingLucienVanserra, #FightMe!

”Last week, I’d finally asked him if she’d set her sights on him, and Lucien had merely given me a look, snarling softly, before stalking off. I took that as a yes.”

”There’s only so much I can do,” he said hoarsely. “But I’ll ask him tonight. About the training. The powers will manifest whether we train you or not, no matter who is around. I’ll ask him tonight,” he repeated.

”Lucien had hated her. Had made vague, vicious allusions to not liking her, to being approached by her – I was going to throw up. Had she … had she pursued him like that? Had he… had he been forced to say yes because of her position?”

”You saw what was happening to me. But you were too afraid of him to truly do anything about it.” It was fear. Lucien had pushed Tamlin, but to a point. He’d always yielded at the end.

Feyre & Rhysand:

”Let me help you,” Rhys said. “We went through enough Under the Mountain –“ I flinched. “She wins,” Rhys breathed. “That bitch wins if you let yourself fall apart.”

Those two have such a wholesome relationship going on! It’s in stark contrast to Feyre’s relationship with Tamlin and I can’t even put into words how much I ship them. ❤ I never shipped Tam and Feyre but Rhys and Feyre?! Give me all those perfect moments! *lol* What I always liked about their relationship is that it isn’t forced. It happens slowly and unintentionally and it takes them a few months to actually fall in love. With Tamlin it all felt so forced. There was a long time nothing happened and then all of a sudden she loved him and they were a couple, which was pretty insta-lovey if you ask me. Feyre’s relationship with Rhys builds over time, they get to know each other and become good friends before they even become a couple. They listen to each other, they treat each other with mutual respect, they acknowledge each other’s strengths and weaknesses and they complement each other in ways Tam and Feyre never did. I loved that Rhys always watched out for her and was worried about her health. In contrast to Tamlin he let her make her own decisions and he never forced her to do anything though. He didn’t lock her away; no matter how hard it must have been to watch her while she made her own mistakes. With Rhys it was always free will and choice and this is exactly what I loved about him! Chapter 54 though! It’s THE revelation chapter of the century! *lol* I always have to cry when I read it and to find out how much he suffered with her, to see how much he cared and yet didn’t act on it. To realize how much he held back in order to give her the life SHE wanted to live. GAHHHH! It gets me all the time! And to think that he’s so broken himself! That he sees himself as the villain of the story and is convinced that he doesn’t deserve her love! T_T Hold my hand while I cry a rapidly growing ocean of tears! <333 A wonderful and honourable man, beautiful inside and out. And dare I say it: The perfect MATE! Haha! ;-P

Maybe it’d be a mercy to be ended –
A broad hand gripped my face – gently enough not to hurt, but hard enough to make me look at him. “Don’t you ever think that,” Rhysand hissed, his eyes livid. “Not for one damned moment.”

”You sent that music into my cell. Why?”
Rhysand’s voice was hoarse. “Because you were breaking. And I couldn’t find another way to save you.”

”What about letting your friends see your real face? But maybe it’s easier not to. Because what if you did let someone in? And what if they saw everything, and still walked away? Who could blame them – who would want to bother with that sort of mess?”
He flinched. The most powerful High Lord in history flinched. And I knew I’d hit hard – and deep.

”But then she snapped your neck.”
Tears rolled down his face.
“And I felt you die,” he whispered.
Tears were sliding down my own cheeks.
“And this beautiful, wonderful thing that had come into my life, this gift from the Cauldron… It was gone.”

”Not consort, not wife. Feyre is High Lady of the Night Court.” My equal in every way; she would wear my crown, sit on a throne beside mine. Never sidelined, never designated to breeding and parties and child-rearing. My queen.

Nesta & Cassian:

”He’d given Nesta a mocking bow, and she’d given him a vulgar gesture I hadn’t realized she knew how to make. Cassian had merely laughed, his eyes snaking over Nesta’s ice-blue gown with a predatory intent that, given her hiss of rage, he knew would set her spitting.”

I know not a lot of people ship them but I kinda live and breathe for their hate/even more hate/love relationship! *LOL* Which is actually sort of weird because I love Cassian but have some kind of hate/love relationship with Nesta. On the one hand I love that she went looking for Feyre and tried to save her, that she messed with the human queens and tried to protect her people, but on the other hand I hate that she never helped Feyre and let her carry the burden of their survival all alone. Nesta is really one of a kind and even after reading the entire trilogy I still don’t know how I feel about her. Maybe she needs someone like Cassian to make her a little bit more compassionate and maybe, just maybe Cassian needs someone like Nesta because he loves a good challenge. *lol* I’ll probably never know why, but for some reason they work for me! XD

His voice was rough as he said, “Five hundred years ago, I fought on battlefields not far from this house. I fought beside human and faerie alike, bled beside them. I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house – your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.”
I watched a tear slie down Nesta’s cheek. And I watched as Cassian reached up a hand to wipe it away. She did not flinch from his touch.

Feyre & Tarquin:

”Tell me what that look means,” Tarquin said, bracing his muscled arms on the gold tablecloth.
I said baldly, “I’m thinking it would be very easy to love you. And easier to call you my friend.”
He smiled at me – broad and without restraint. “I would not object to either.”

Okay, I admit it! I have a little crush on Tarquin too! But how am I supposed not to crush on him? I mean he’s so sweet and honest and there’s an innocence to him that is its own kind of brand. I totally agree with Feyre and I’m sure he’ll grow into his role as a High Lord and will be a good leader for his people. It made me sad that Feyre’s and Rhysands actions kind of forced him to see them as their enemies but as a High Lord he had no other choice than to send them the blood rubies. This said I really hope to see more of him when Sarah writes her next trilogy. 😉 Let’s hope Tarquin will be a part of it too!

Tarquin glanced at the ground. “Forgive me if I’ve been forward. I’m still learning how to play the games of these courts – to my adviser’s chagrin.”
“I hope you never learn how to play the games of these courts.”

4

If you went to the trouble of reading through all of this you might have realized that I loved this book! *lol* Sarah J. Maas outdid herself with this sequel and I’ve no other choice than to give her 5 paws again. “A Court of Mist and Fury” is one hell of a masterpiece and this reread only consolidated my opinion! 😉

 

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)

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Rating: 4 Pfoten

”It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

It rarely happens that a quote from a book haunts me but this one, well, this one does. I finished “A Tale of Two Cities” about two weeks ago, yet I’m still not over the ending. But how could I? After all, this is one of those rare books that keep you thinking even after you finished the last page and already closed the cover of the book.

The most intriguing thing about this all is the following though: I had a really, really tough time getting into “A Tale of Two Cities” when I first started to read it. XD The sentences were too long and complicated and Dickens writing style is lengthy and so full of superfluous words that every editor, no matter the century she/he lives in, would have had a field day crossing them out. *lol*

”O Miss Manette, when the little picture of a happy father’s face looks up in yours, when you see your own bright beauty springing up anew at your feet, think now and then that there is a man who would give his life, to keep a life you love beside you!”

So what happened? I can’t explain it, but I think Dickens’s magic happened. At least that’s the only thing I can come up with while I’m trying to explain my sudden love for this book. I mean we have a little bit of comedy in here when three different suitors attempt to ask for Lucy Manettes hand, yet at the same time Doctor Manette’s mental condition is making the situation as serious as it could possibly be.

”What can I do for my friend? No man ever can have been more desirious in his heart to serve a friend, than I am to serve mine, if I knew how.”

Every character in here is either an angel (Miss Manette) or a precious snowflake (Mr. Lorry & Charles Darnay) or it’s bloodthirsty and evil. (Madame Defarge & The Marquis) There is no grey area, well not unless you count Sydney Carton who is by far the most intriguing character in the entire book! I loved him! ❤ Yes, he might have been a drunkard (and I’m pretty sure he suffered from depression) but of all the characters that made an appearance in “A Tale of Two Cities” he’s certainly the most honourable and pure soul!

”It is too late for that. I shall never be better than I am. I shall sink lower, and be worse.”

And this, Ladies and Gentleman, is the true tragedy of this book! That Sydney thinks he’s worth nothing even though he DESERVES THE FREAKING WORLD!!!! Excuse my screaming but ADKFASKDFKASDFKSDFKASD! I get all emotional just thinking about this lovable man! He is worthy, he is wantable, to hell with it, I’m actually going to compare him to my precious boy Adam Parrish now! *LOL* Both of them deserve so much and they are always trying to fit in, to make their life better, yet there’s always something that holds them back. That makes their lives difficult.

”You are a good man and a true friend,” said Carton, in an altered voice. “Forgive me if I notice that you are affected. I could not see my father weep, and sit by, careless. And I could not respect your sorrow more, if you were my father. You are free from that misfortune, however.”

No one notices the struggle he’s going through and a lot of people judge him for his actions. Not outright into his face but behind his back. Truth be told, I think Miss Manette might have been the only person who ever got a decent glimpse at his true character and nature. And this only because he let her see it! Because he loved her and because he wanted her to know that there was a part of him, the part that loved her, that actually was worthy of her love as well. T_T

”I would ask you, dearest, to be very generous with him always, and very lenient on his faults when he is not by. I would ask you to believe that he has a heart he very, very seldom reveals, and that there are deep wounds in it. My dear, I have seen it bleeding.”

But we’re in the time of the guillotine, the time of change, of liberté, égalité et fraternité! And forgiveness and compassion, let alone justice aren’t truly on the agenda. People like the Marquis had no mercy with their subjects and their former servants pay them back in kind. Unfortunately this also means that innocent people, regardless of their actions and their lack of involvement are sentenced to death as well. Casualties in a war that gained momentum way too fast.

And so it happens that the storyline swells to a crescendo that ends in a climax I didn’t expect!

Boy, did that ending throw me! O_o
It was a beautiful ending, tragic, but beautiful, hopeful and sad. And it taught me that Dickens was indeed a great writer. 😉

spoiler

”Are you dying for him?” she whispered.
“And his wife and child. Hush! Yes.”
“O you will let me hold your brave hand, stranger?”
“Hush! Yes, my poor sister; to the last.”

I cried an ocean reading this scene!!! Sydney Carton deserved so much better than that!!! What a noble and gentle and compassionate soul!! What a brave man that gives comfort while he’s going to his death as well!!! I can’t even!!! T_T I just can’t… *cries and ocean again*

4

I really loved this book! Dickens might write long sentences, he might take his time until everything gets into motion but damn, he certainly knows how to deliver a punch line! If you like classics and don’t mind books with a lengthy build-up you definitely should go for this! It was so worth it! XD

”It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: A Court of Thorns and Roses (Sarah J. Maas)

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Rating: 4 Pfoten

Book 14 on My Book List 2019

”You murdered my friend,” the beast snarled. “Murdered him, skinned his corpse, sold it at the market, and then said he deserved it, and yet you have the nerve to question my generosity?”

When I first read “A Court of Thorns and Roses” I thought that this would be some sort of “The Beauty and the Beast” retelling and I guess in some way it truly is. Well, at least at first it seems to be one, the longer you read, the more it goes into an entirely different direction though.

And I think it was exactly that kind of change of direction that actually got me hooked in the end. I mean I like “The Beauty and the Beast” stories but boy, did I live and breathe for this story that didn’t only feature faeries but also magic and cruel villains! So yes, when I first read ACOTAR I got lost in its universe and rushed through it, always eager to find out more and to continue with Feyre’s journey.

It was only after I finished the last book, that I realized how fast I’d been paging through the entire series and by then it was already too late to savour it properly. Needless to say that I was sad it was over, also needless to say that I wanted to do a reread of it one day. *lol*

So two years later I found myself sitting down with ACOTAR once again, and tell you what? It was even better this second time around! It was so damn good to read about my favourite characters and it almost felt like coming home! Plus the foreboding!!! Seriously, how did I even miss all those clues and hints when I read it for the very first time?! There were so many things that made a whole lot more sense than they did before and I was in awe at how well Sarah J. Maas wove all those details in her storyline. Also the ending! I’ll never get over that ending!

NEVER!

No matter how often I read this book that moment on the last page!? Wow, just wow! T_T
This said I enjoyed this reread immensely and I really can’t wait to continue with ACOMAF soon! It was my favourite book out of this series and I’m sure I’ll find even more interesting details when I read it again! XD

Well, enough of my impending future reread! Let’s head to my character section instead! 😉

2

You are now entering Prythian and if you decide to continue your journey into the Spring Court you’ll be gifted with thousands and thousands of spoilers and thorns! Believe me and take my word for it. I mean faeries can’t lie and always tell the truth, right? ;-P

Feyre:

”Because I wouldn’t want to die alone,” I said, and my voice wobbled as I looked at Tamlin again, forcing myself to meet his stare. “Because I’d want someone to hold my hand until the end, and awhile after that. That’s something everyone deserves, human or faerie.”

Wow, I totally forgot how much I liked Feyre at the beginning of this series. I loved that fierce girl that would do everything for her loved ones and even had the guts to kill a wolf she suspected to be a faerie! XD I mean she didn’t know for certain but it definitely didn’t stop her from shooting that fateful arrow! Still, considering how her family treated her I can’t help but think that she’s a saint! She tried to keep them alive and all they did was to sneer at her or to spend all the precious money she earned. No wonder that girl is so insecure and distrustful, no wonder she was afraid of Tamlin and Lucien. No matter how scared she was, she never let it get in her way though. Her fear didn’t paralyze her but drove her and I loved that about her character! ❤ Plus she’s shrewd and clever! And defiant! Did I already mention how much I adore her for that? So yes, I loved the Feyre of book one and I’m kinda curious how I’ll feel about her in book two.

”I took a few running steps and hurled the bone at her with all my remaining strength. It embedded itself in the mud at her feet, splattering filth onto her white gown, and remained there, quivering.”

”Kill a faerie, fall in love with a faerie, then be forced to kill a faerie to keep that love. It was brilliant and cruel, and she knew it.”

”You went after me,” I said. “You went after me – to Prythian.”
“I got to the wall. I couldn’t find a way through.”
I raised a shaking hand to my throat. “You trekked two days there and two days back – through the winter woods?”

Tamlin:

”I was a child at the time, too young to understand what was happening – or even to be told,” he said. A child. Which meant he had to be over… “But had I been old enough, I would have. Against slavery, against tyranny, I would gladly go to my death, no matter whose freedom I was defending.”

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!! URGH! I can’t say how sick this moment made me! Seriously, when I read the book for the very first time I actually believed him, but damn reading it for a second time I realized how stupid I was. I mean for some reason I was never happy with Tamlin as a love interest for Feyre, not even when I read ACOTAR for the first time, I could never pinpoint the reason for it though. XD Oh well, I certainly don’t have that problem anymore. Doing a reread of this book I finally realized the many things I never truly liked about him. For instance his cold distance, his controlling behaviour and how he could say sentences like the one above when every freaking Court of Prythian except of his own was enslaved to Amarantha! He was old enough to fight her now but he was still indifferent!! All those other High Lords felt lonely too, Tamlin! They hoped that you would break the curse! And boy, I bet they had way worse days than you over those last fifty years!!!!They freaking DAMN WELL KNOW how it feels to care for their people when they are slaughtered and tortured in front of them!!! ADKFLASKDFSAKADKSK! So NOPE! Just nope! I get that he had a lot of weight on his shoulders, I get that he felt lonely, I get that he didn’t want Feyre to die, but he should have tried to do something. To manipulate Amarantha. I mean he didn’t even try that. He just flat out refused her! Which is stupid on so many levels…. Anyway I could go on and one but I’ll leave it at that! #I’llNeverBeAFanOfTamlin and I stand by it.

”But they never understood. What it was like, what it is like, for me to care for my people, my lands. What scars are still there, what the bad days feel like.”

Lucien:

”In lieu of a pretty breakfast table by the window, a worn worktable dominated the space, covered in various weapons. It was there he sat, wearing only a white shirt and trousers, his red hair unbound and gleaming like liquid fire. Tamlin’s court-trained emissary, but a warrior in his own right.”

LUCIEN!!! My precious baby!!! Gosh, I love him even more after rereading ACOTAR! <333 This man is honourable and strong and a true friend and no matter what others think about him, I still believe that he’s amazing! I’ll never understand why he gets so much hate from the fans because let’s face it, aside from Rhys he was Feyre’s only true friend!! He’s always honest and he says exactly what he thinks! Even if it’s to his detriment like when he told Amarantha to go back to her shit-hole! In contrast to Tamlin he had the guts to stand up to Amarantha and yes, he paid dearly for it, but he gave her a piece of his mind and I think Feyre and him are quite similar in that regard. *lol* AND this boy has compassion, fire and snark! Plus he’s a faithful soul! If you ask me he’s way more attractive than Tamlin and I for my part would love nothing more than to get burned by those hot autumn flames. *wriggles eyebrows* *LOL* I just hope Sarah won’t ruin him even more in the books that follow after the ACOTAR series because he definitely deserves better than that!! <333 You hear me, Sarah? Please give my boy a Happy Ever After!

”I heard you scream,” he said as I examined the blade in my hands. I’d never held one so finely crafted, so perfectly balanced. “And I hesitated. Not long, but I hesitated before I came running. Even though Tam got there in time, I still broke my word in those seconds I waited.” He jerked his chin at the knife. “It’s yours. Don’t bury it in my back, please.”

”Lucien told her to go back to the shit-hole she’d crawled out of. She took his eye as punishment. Carved it out with her own fingernail, then scarred his face. She sent him back so bloody that Tamlin… The High Lord vomited when he saw his friend.”

”I risked my neck for you during your task. Was that not enough?” His metal eye whirred softly. “You offered up your name for me – after all that I said to you, all I did, you still offered up your name. Didn’t you realize I would help you after that? Oath or no oath?”

Rhysand:

”I stepped out of the shelter of my saviour’s arm and turned to thank him.
Standing before me was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.”

Ohhh Rhys! Haha! Next to Lucien he was definitely my second favourite character of this book! I already loved him when I read ACOTAR for the first time and nothing changed. I know so many people were angry at him for using Feyre and even more of them said that he’s an asshole, but what can I say? I like dark, mysterious, assholes? *LOL* When everyone was charmed by Tamlin and despised Rhys, he had already won my heart. XD And seriously, if you read the book carefully you can see through his disguise. Ironically Tamlin is the one wearing the obvious mask but in fact it’s Rhys who’s hiding behind one. Which only makes him even more lovable because every now and then it slips and we’re able to see the true High Lord! Behind that cunning and cruel mind there is a very decent person and everyone who doesn’t see this is blinded by Tamlin’s white teeth! *lol* Just saying! XD I mean even Feyre noticed that there’s more behind Rhys actions and half of the time she was severely wounded, having a fever or under the influence of drugs! XD So yeah! I love that scheming mind and I can’t wait to see more of it in ACOMAF!

”His clothes – all black, all finely made – were cut close enough to his body that I could see how magnificent he was. As if he’d been molded from the night itself.”

”Because,” he went on, his eyes locked with mine. “I didn’t want you to fight alone. Or die alone.”

”Be glad of your human heart, Feyre. Pity those who don’t feel anything at all.”

3

Feyre & Tamlin:

”You gave up so much for them.” He lifted his other hand as if to brush my cheek. I braced myself for the touch, but he lowered it before making contact. “Do you ever know how to laugh?”

I didn’t feel this romance… at all! I already didn’t feel it when I read ACOTAR for the first time and I didn’t now. Those two just don’t have any chemistry! Their sweet moments weren’t even exciting or anything, but then again I think that this might have been Sarah’s intention all along. I dunno what it is about Sarah but you know exactly when she wants a couple to be endgame, because damn, their chemistry is always off the charts. If the couple isn’t going to have a HEA you can read it in the way she writes their sexy moments and sweet scenes. XD Or maybe it’s just my imagination? *lol* Anyway, I guess I was supposed to like them as a couple and to ship them, but I somehow never did? Plus I think their relationship never had a chance to develop. It was from “I hate you” to “I accept you” and then they were suddenly in love. I guess from Feyre’s POV it made sense, she’s young and unexperienced and Tamlin was the first guy who was nice to her and her first love. I somehow never felt that dedication from Tamlin though. Yes, he tried to save her but to be fascinated by her is no real love. To me it sounded like she was something pretty he wanted to possess and that just didn’t work for me. #SorryNotSorry

”Because your human joy fascinates me – the way you experience things, in your life span, so wildly and deeply and all at once, is … entrancing. I’m drawn to it, even when I know I shouldn’t be, even when I try not to be.”

”Stay with the High Lord, human,” the Suriel said.

Feyre & Lucien:

Lucien went rigid, but he hopped off the edge of the table and bowed deeply to me. ”My apologies, lady.” Another joke at my expense. “I’m Lucien. Courtier and emissary.” He gestured to me with a flourish. “Your eyes are like stars, and your hair like burnished gold.”

I absolutely love and adore their friendship! I mean they start out as enemies. Feyre killed Andras and as it seems Lucien was pretty close to the sentinel so it’s understandable that he’s not only angry but also dislikes her at first. During the entire book they get to know each other better though and slowly but gradually they become friends in the end. XD At first it seems to be some sort of reluctant acceptance and acknowledgement but the longer they talk to each other the better their relationship becomes. =) And let me tell you this: They are friendship goals! There’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other! <333 Feyre saved Lucien by giving Amarantha her name and Lucien risked everything when he healed her nose, gave her a cloak and shouted that warning at her trial! He got a lashing just for telling her where to look and if that isn’t true friendship I dunno! Plus they work so nicely together, their easy banter is hilarious and I’m glad Lucien finally found someone who’s able to keep up with him. *lol* So yes, I’m on board of this friend-ship and I love them together!

Lucien sighed as he looked me over. “Do you ever stop being so serious and dull?”
“Do you ever stop being such a prick?” I snapped back.
Dead – really, truly, I should have been dead for that.
But Lucien grinned at me. “Much better.”

”Faerie pig!” I yelled, and Lucien howled, almost tipping back in his chair. At the sight of Tamlin’s growing smile, I left.

He used the dagger to clean his nails. “I’ve been busy. So have you, I take it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
“If I offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss, too?”

Downstairs, Lucien snorted at the sight of me. “Those clothes are enough to convince me I never want to enter the human realm.”
“I’m not sure the human realm would know what to do with you,” I said.

Feyre & Rhysand:

”You’re going to bargain?” Rhysand laughed under his breath. “Ten days.”
I held his stare with all my strength. “A week.”
Rhysand was silent for a long moment, his eyes traveling across my body and my face before he murmured: “A week it is.”

Okay, let me tell you this: If you didn’t notice that Rhys has a weakness for Feyre you most certainly read the book with tomatoes on your eyes. *LOL* Because no offence, but it’s obvious and plain as day! He basically protected her from the moment they first met at Calanmai and there was absolutely no reason for him to interfere! She was just a human and he’s a High Faerie, yet he stepped in KNOWING full well that Tamlin and Feyre had something going on! Calanmai was the first time he was intrigued by her and he could have easily rat her out right after that night. He didn’t though. In fact everything he did was to protect her! He protected her the moment she came to Under the Mountain and everything he did, even the colour on her body, had some reason behind it. None of his actions was arbitrary, every single move and gesture was deliberate and on purpose. And if you still don’t believe me then think about the final fight against Amarantha! Rhys was the only one who tried to stop her! He raised his hand against Amarantha because he WANTED to save Feyre and he didn’t even think about himself when he attacked her! And don’t even get me talking about the fact that Rhys stumbled, ACTUALLY STUMBLED, in the end!!! <333 I ship them! Period! XD

”Don’t let her see you cry.
Put your hands at your sides and stand up.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t move.
Stand. Don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing you break.”

”Why are you telling me this?”
The swagger and nastiness were gone. “Because I’m tired and lonely, and you’re the only person I can talk to without putting myself at risk.”

”Then Rhysand was on his feet, my bloody knife in his hands. He launched himself at Amarantha, swift as a shadow, the ash dagger aimed at her throat.”

”His eyes locked on mine, wide and wild, and his nostrils flared. Shock – pure shock flashed across his features at whatever he saw on my face, and he stumbled back a step. Actually, stumbled.”

4

If you love faerie stories and like your faeries dark, dangerous, intriguing, silver-tongued and sexy as hell then this is certainly the right book for you. Sarah J. Maas outdid herself with the ACOTAR series and this was only the start! There’s so much more to come and to look forward to and I can’t wait to reread ACOMAF and ACOWAR! If you still haven’t read this book you definitely should go and grab a copy of it. You don’t have to be a “The Beauty and the Beast” fan to read it, just start with the first page and see where it will lead you! I promise it will be an interesting journey! ;-P

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: After You (Jojo Moyes)

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Rating: 4 Pfoten

 

”Sometimes I felt as if we were all wading around in grief, reluctant to admit to others how far we were waving or drowning.”

Okay, before I start this review I have to admit three things:

1.) “After You” wasn’t what I expected it to be and headed into a completely different direction than I assumed.
2.) I think Jojo Moyes was very brave to go into this kind of direction and I appreciate her realistic approach.
3.) This might turn out to be a rather personal and subjective review.

I know it would be easy to say that I didn’t like Louisa in this book and a lot of reviewers before me actually did. They said they didn’t like how much she changed, that the happy girl was gone, that she wasted the gift Will had given her, that she was merely existing and not living her dream. Not doing, what Will wanted her to do before he died.

“Live boldly. Push yourself. Don’t settle. Just live well. Just live.”

But what a lot of readers didn’t get – and I’m glad they didn’t seem to get it because I’m speaking from personal experience here and I truly wish no one to make an experience like that– is that she was grieving. Yes, Will’s death didn’t come unexpected. It was planned, they all knew it would happen but that didn’t change anything about the fact that she loved him and that he still decided to go. I wasn’t surprised that Lou is a mess at the beginning of this book, I wasn’t surprised, that she didn’t see the world like she planned to, that she didn’t live her dream. Because honestly: How could she? The person she loved, her first and one true love was dead and there was nothing she could have done to stop him, nothing that would have changed his mind.

”How could I explain to this girl what Will and I had been to each other, the way I felt that no person in the world had ever understood me like he did or ever would again? How could she understand that losing him was like having a hole shot straight through me, a painful, constant reminder, an absence I could never fill?”

To lose the person you love? It changes you, it alters your perception, it makes you realize how short life is, it forces you to acknowledge that you won’t live forever, that everything could be over in nothing but a second. You know that you should move on, because life moves on regardless if you want it to or not. If there’s one thing death teaches you, then it’s that life is merciless and doesn’t pause for the living!

”So what was the hardest part?” Mr Gopnik said.
“I’m sorry?”
“Of working for William Traynor. It sounds like quite a challenge.”
I hesitated. The room was suddenly very quiet. “Letting him go.” I said. And found myself unexpectedly biting back tears.

So, yes Louisa is a mess! She’s still so very young and innocent and has to deal with the loss of the man who stole her heart. Of course this experience changed her, of course she isn’t the same person she was before and yes, she is fighting depression! But she is doing everything she can in order to deal with his loss and that’s admirable and needs to be acknowledged.

I know a lot of readers might have wanted the book to go in another direction and truth be told I wanted to see a happy Louisa too, but that’s not how things work, that’s not how mourning works. That would have been unrealistic and it would have devalued the love Lou felt for Will. So, is this book an intermediate phase? Yes, it is! But it is necessary! Lou has to grieve in order to be able to move on and to heal and she ultimately does! Boy, how she does!

It might have been sad to read her journey, it might have been depressing but it was realistic and wholesome and I can’t thank Jojo Moyes enough for this kind of representation! Because that’s what happens when you lose the person you love! You try to get back on your feet, you try to live on, you fight to be able to enjoy your life! You learn how to cope with your loss, to turn it into something positive! There are days you take one step forward and two steps back, but you learn to be thankful for the fact that you’re still alive! That life is still ahead of you! That the time you spent with your loved one – no matter how long or short lived it might have been – was precious and a gift! And eventually… well eventually you accept your loss and you move on. You finally live the life you know your loved one wanted you to live all along.

I could write about Lou’s love interest or the rather unexpected twist that happens right at the beginning of the story. I could write about Lou’s funny family and all their antics, but I think I’ll just leave it at that.

For me “After You” is a book about grief and healing. About learning how to live with your scars and about accepting them as a part of you. The loss of a loved one might push you into the abyss but it’s up to you if you fight and crawl out of them or stay there and get lost. It’s a fight no one can help you with, a fight you have to battle on your own. But let me tell you this, it’s a battle that’s always worth it. 😉

So thank you Jojo Moyes, for tackling such a sensitive and serious topic with genuine humour and tentative prudence. Thank you for giving us hope. I can only speak for myself here, but my teenage me really would have needed and appreciated your book! It might be too late for me, but I’m sure many other people will find comfort in your words!
And sometimes, well sometimes that’s already enough. =)

A, A - E, Allgemein, Reviews

Review: Autoboyography (Christina Lauren)

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Rating: 5 Pfoten

”This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide.”

“Autoboyography” was one of those books I wanted to read ever since I read the blurb. I mean there was the mention of a bisexual character that’s forced to stay in the closet because he moved to Utha and truth be told that alone was already enough to pique my interest! *lol*

Still, when I picked up the book I didn’t expect to go through so many feels and to say it touched my heart is certainly putting it mildly! I was so worried for those two boys and their feelings and thoughts left me so raw and broken.

There were scenes that made me laugh and another few pages in I’d suddenly feel angry and frustrated, just to burst into tears as soon as I turned the next page! ARGH!! It’s almost impossible to describe what I felt while I read this book.
Once I began to really read it, I couldn’t put it down anymore though. I felt a need to know how it would continue and if something bad would happen and that aforementioned need almost killed me and made me nervous as hell! XD

I swear there were moments when I bit my nails, snorted in disbelief or nervously began to chew my bottom lip. Yes, “Autoboyography” really put me on edge!!! (And it once again was a book that earned me one of my husbands disapproving looks. *lol*)

I can’t even put into words how much I actually dreaded the end!!! For me the foreboding and anticipation was almost unbearable, it was really intense… and when I finally reached the ending….

Oh well I guess you’ll just have to read the book! ;-P *lol*
(I know I’m mean, you can thank me later. XD)

The plot:

”As he faces the class from the front now, his eyes flash when they meet mine – for a tiny flicker of a second, and then again, like a prism catching light, because he does a double take.”

Tanner Scott is a bisexual boy who had been out in California but was kind of forced back into the closet when his mother got a job offer in Utha. Three years ago their entire family moved into Mormon territory and all this time Tann never outed himself, mostly because there actually was no need to. His plan was to make it into an out-of-state college and to never look back, but as plans go this one turned out to be more difficult than he had initially anticipated. To finish school and to get a good grade in Mr. Fujita’s class might be impossible, especially because everything Tanner can think about is Sebastian Brother, the bishop’s son who’s supposed to help him write a story but somehow ended up stealing his heart instead.

The characters:

Spoiler warning!!! If you don’t want to be spoiled you better stop now! XD Proceed at your own risk! 😉

”Kissing boys feels good. Kissing girls feels good. But something tells me kissing Sebastian would be like a sparkler falling in the middle of a field of dry grass.”

Tanner:

”I was in the neighborhood.” I take a bite, chewing, swallowing through my smile. “Came over to campus to dance and sing some songs.”
His eyes twinkle. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m not LDS, let alone mocking it a little. “Cool.”

I just loved and adored Tanner!!! This boy was so honest and straightforward and his humour was just amazing! *lol* I swear everyone needs a Tanner in their life!!! XD I really liked how he tried to understand Sebastian’s beliefs and didn’t judge him for it! And I also appreciated that he stayed true to himself! He never let others influence his decisions and I think it needs a lot of inner strength to follow your own path and to accept that you need to make your own mistakes, especially if you have so nice and caring parents like Tanner had. *lol* Still, when he told Sebastian that he loves him and didn’t even get a proper reaction from him, my heart just hurt!!! It was so painful to watch them break up and I swear, no matter what I did, I really couldn’t stop to worry about him! XD

He wants to go on a mission? He wants to leave here and commit two of his best, hottest, wildest, most adventurous years to the church? He wants to give his life to this – really give his life?
I stare at my hands and wonder what the hell I’m actually doing here. Glitter-heart Paige has nothing on me. I am the King of Naïve.”

”You know Mom would murder you for that, for your semi-unintentional blessing that I deflower the bishop’s son.”

”I don’t actually care if you break my heart, Sebastian. I went into this knowing it could happen and I gave it to you anyway. But I don’t want you to break your own. You have so much space in your heart for your church, but does it have space for you?”

Sebastian:

”I went to a movie by myself and ate an entire box of Red Vines.” He leans in, eyes full of that teasing shine. “I had a Coke.”
My brain is tangled: Cannot compute. Which emotion to drop into the bloodstream? Fondness or bewilderment? For the love of God, this is Sebastian at his naughtiest.

Sebastian Brother broke my freaking heart!!! OH GOD, I CAN’T EVEN!!! This boy… this wonderful, precious, amazing, righteous, brilliant and lovable boy!!! ARGH!!! He was almost too good to be true and all I wanted to do was to give him a big hug, wrap him in a blanket and tell him that everything would be alright!! I hated to see his struggle, to read how he thought that something was wrong with him just because he’s gay! It made me sooo damn sad to know that his parents would never accept him the way he is and it almost physically hurt to see his pain!!! T_T He tried so hard to please his parents, to be the way they wanted him to be, but this made him so unhappy it was hard to watch… And that moment when he signed the book for Tanner? It was so damn heart-breaking!!! *sobs*

”I’m not even attracted to girls. I envy you that. I keep praying I will be at some point.” He puffs out a breath. “I’ve never said that out loud.” When he blinks, the tears slide down his cheeks. Sebastian tilts his face up, looking at the clouds and letting out a sad laugh. “I can’t tell if this feels good or terrible.”

”I mean,” he says, flustered, trying again. “I’m attracted to guys, and I’m with you right now, but I’m not gay. That’s a different choice, and I’m not choosing that path.”

”We’re supposed to pray, and listen – so I do. But then, when I turn to others, it’s like…” He shakes his head. “It feels like I’m pushing through the dark and I know what’s ahead is safe, but no one is following me there.”

”Being gay isn’t wrong, but it’s not God’s plan either.” He shakes his head, and I think this moment, right here, is when it really hits me that Sebastian’s identity isn’t queer. It’s not gay. It’s not even soccer player or boyfriend or son.
It’s Mormon.”

Autumn:

”Sometimes I get the weird feeling that I wouldn’t be enough for you. I love you, but only a little.”

I think Autumn was a really good friend, not just for Tanner but also for Sebastian and this even though she barely even knew him. I liked the easy banter between her and Tanner and they gave me the impression that they were really good and close friends. Sure, Autumn had her flaws and I wasn’t always happy about the way she dealt with things, for some incomprehensible reason this only made her human and relatable though. *lol*

”They’re upset, but at some point they’ll figure out you can be right, or you can be loved. Only a handful get both at the same time.”

Sensitive issues:

The bi-representation:

”I’ve always liked whoever,” I tell him. “I really am bi. It’s about the person, not the parts, I guess.”

I LOVED the bi-representation in this book! For me it was spot on!!! Yes, I know a lot of people will disagree and say that it only pointed out the prejudices and kind of reinforced them by giving them space, but the bitter truth is that we actually have to deal with them each and every single day!!! They don’t vanish just because we don’t mention them! I totally agree with Tanner when he says that it’s nothing you get to choose! To be bisexual means to be attracted to both sexes and if you’re a bisexual girl and end up with a boy this doesn’t automatically make you straight! Same goes for being with a girl, just because you fall in love with a girl you’re not a lesbian! AND yes you can be faithful to your partner and still think that Milla Jovovich and Eva Green are damn hot! (which they actually are!!! *lol*) Oh well, *cough* back to the review! XD

”Why wouldn’t you just be with a girl, then?” he asks quietly. “If you were attracted to them? Wouldn’t it be so much easier?“
“That’s not something you get to choose.”

The Mormon/LDS representation:

”It’s completely different. Among a hundred other reasons, going to church is a choice. Being bisexual is simply who you are. I’m protecting you from the toxic messages of the church.”
I actually laugh at this. “And his parents are doing it to protect him from hell.”

I can’t say an awful lot about the LDS representation because I actually don’t know anything about it. So in some way this book was even kind of educational. *lol* I think I understand their beliefs and I got what they are talking about, but I guess I’ll never be able to truly fathom why religion is so important to so many people. I think I’m a lot like Tanner when it comes to that. I was raised a Roman-Catholic but I’m neither an active part of the church nor do I go to mass and I guess the reasons for that are pretty obvious. 😉

”I assume his family doesn’t know he’s gay?”
“I don’t even know if he’s gay.”
“Well for argument’s sake, let’s assume he is and your feelings are reciprocated. You know the church thinks it’s okay to have same-sex attraction but you aren’t allowed to act on it?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Would you be able to be with him without touching him?”

”I’ve never had someone over before who wasn’t a member,” he says. The mind reader. “I’m just watching you take it all in.”
I decide to go for pure honesty: “It’s hard to understand.”

Tanner’s slip with Autumn:

I think it wasn’t necessary for the plot but then again things like that just happen. I know some people will say that Tanner was acting irresponsible and shouldn’t have slept with Autumn especially because she was still a virgin, but please keep in mind that she said she wanted him to be her first!!! He didn’t take advantage of her! He was broken and sad and completely devastated and yes, he might have known that Autumn had a crush on him, but let’s face the truth: Autumn also knew that he was heartbroken and completely vulnerable when she slept with him!!! If anything they both took advantage of each other and their understanding was mutual! They made that mistake together and in the end they dealt with it like adults. 😉

Their families:

Tanner’s family:

Mom can’t help herself. “Does he know about you?”
“About how I turn into a troll at sunset?” I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Tanner,” she says gently. “You know what I mean.”
I do. Unfortunately. “Please calm down. It’s not like I have a tail.”
“Honey,” Mom starts, horrified.

Can I just say that I adored his family!?!? They were so awesome and supportive!!! Seriously, I really wish everyone would have parents like that! Yes, Tanner’s mom could be annoying with her bumper stickers and her reservations about Sebastian, but she was just worried about her son and that’s the most important thing!!! She just wanted him to be happy and accepted him the way he is!! Oh and the conversations with his dad?! I LOVED THEM!!! They were priceless!!! <333 Seriously, Tanner’s dad was so wise!! XD

“My parents know I’ve had crushes on guys before, but it’s never been a reality like this. Now there’s a guy, with a name and a phone. We’ve all been so cool about it, but I realize, sitting here at this silent dinner table, that there are layers to their acceptance.”

”He tucks a finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. “Are you willing to be a secret? Maybe you are for now. But this is your life, and it will stretch out before you, and you are the only person who can make it whatever you want it to be.”

She claps a hand over her mouth when she sees Sebastian, and tears rise to the surface of her eyes nearly immediately. Mom pull us up, hugs me, and then wordlessly takes Sebastian into her arms – he gets the longer hug, the one with the soft Mom words spoken into his ear – and something breaks loose in me because it makes him cry harder.”

THIS SCENE, THIS MOMENT!! IT WAS MY UNDOING!!! I cried so hard when I read it!! I swear I was a sobbing and aching mess!!! This was so beautiful and raw and painful, so damn freaking bittersweet!!! Tanner’s mom comforting Sebastian, hugging him even though his own mother should have hugged him instead, telling him that he is wonderful and precious and that he is amazing just the way he is!!! TANNER’S MOM TELLING HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDED TO HEAR!!! Tanner’s mom, not his own!!! OH GOD!!! My heart is breaking once again. That poor boy, that lost and broken soul!!! The reaction of Tanner’s mom moved me so much, I have no words…. <333

Sebastian’s family:

”He’s gay; he didn’t die. Nobody is wounded. I know Sebastian’s parents are good people, but holy hell, they just inadvertently made their son feel like there’s something about him that needs to be fixed.”

Never in my entire life will I ever be able to understand how you can disown your own child!!! I mean you’re supposed to love your kid, it’s your role to protect it from harm!!! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT LITTLE LIFE!!!! I love my daughter so much, I love her unconditionally, I would do everything for her!! I would even die for her!!! And because of that I can’t understand how Sebastian’s family could be so cruel to him! Especially his mother!!! I mean he only asked them what would happen if one of them was gay and they didn’t speak to him for an ENTIRE WEEK!!!! How can you do something like that to your own child!!!???? And to blame him for being gay?! Like he could change it, like it would be his own choice to be gay or not?! Like it’s a disease he can grow out of!!! ARGH!!! I can’t even….

”This was a week ago,” he whispers. When he looks up at me with tears in his eyes, he adds, “No one has spoken to me in a week.”

”I don’t even know how we got here, Sebastian. This? What you’re going through?” She stabs the air with savagely curled finger quotes around the words “going through.” ”This is your own doing. Heavenly Father is not responsible for your decisions. It is your free will alone that deprives you of happiness.”

”Her apron says KEEP CALM AND SERVE ON, and all he can think about is Tanner’s mom and her rainbow apron that embarrassed her son, and what Sebastian would give to have a parent who accepted him for what he was, no matter what.”

The ending of the book was so hopeful and sweet it actually made me light-headed and happy! <333 It was so cute that Tanner fell to the ground when he saw Sebastian and I really hope that they will find their way!!! Together of course!!! XD

All told, this book was amazing and if possible I’d give it all the stars and even more! “Autoboyograph” deserves so much more attention than it got and I hope my review will help to spread the word!!! READ IT!!! LOVE IT!! FIND YOURSELF IN IT AND BE BRAVE AND STRONG!!! Have the courage to be who you truly are!!! <333

Well, if that isn’t a message I want to spread, I really don’t know. *lol*
To say it with Fujita’s words:

”My deepest gratitude, Sebastian, for your bravery. I wish you well. You are an exceptional human, with depth and heart. Don’t let anyone – or anything – dim that light inside you.”

A, A - E, Allgemein

Review: A Monster Calls (Patrick Ness)

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Rating: 5 Pfoten

”The monster showed up just after midnight. As they do.”

Seven minutes after midnight
AND
one hour after finishing the book:

*sits in a pile of tissues and STILL weeps*

<— This was me on Saturday.

This is me now,
four days after reading the book:

*sits down to write a proper review but immediately starts to cry again*

I can’t write a review about this book, I just can’t!!!
Heaven knows I’ve tried to, but whenever I think about “A Monster Calls” I’m tearing up again.
Just to think about this book is already dangerous.
It makes you feel,
it causes your heart to ache,
it makes your throat go tight with sadness and pain.

It forces you to think!
And this probably might be the most dangerous thing…

”Stories are the wildest things of all, the monster rumbled. Stories chase and bite and hunt.”

I can’t even tell you what exactly causes me to cry.
Maybe it’s the entire book, maybe it’s the monsters painful wisdom, maybe it’s just the bitter truth?
All I know is that this story moved me. It moved me on a level books rarely do and it’s one of those books you wish you never read, but at the same time you’re so glad that you actually did.
Which makes absolutely no sense, but it is what it is! >_<

”Your mind will believe comforting lies while also knowing the painful truths that make those lies necessary. And your mind will punish you for believing both.”

No matter how old and wrinkled I’ll become, I’ll always remember this story and it will always have a place in my heart. A.L.W.A.Y.S.!

So I guess what it comes down to, is that I won’t talk about this book.

I won’t talk about a boy who was forced to grow up way too fast.
I won’t talk about his anger and despair, about his hope and fears.
I won’t talk about his crushing loneliness or his endless pain.

I won’t talk about a mother who tried to do what’s best for her son.
I won’t talk about her frustration and helplessness, about her worries and concerns.
I won’t talk about her unconditional love for her boy nor will I talk about her courage and strength.

I won’t talk about a grandmother that didn’t know how to deal with the situation.
I won’t talk about her mental overload or that she was so very anxious and afraid.
I won’t talk about her display cabinet or her inability to find the right words.
I won’t judge her because Conor’s mother is her daughter too….

”You’re not even going to punish me?”
“What would be the point, Con?” his father said, shaking his head. “What could possibly be the point?”

NO,
I won’t talk about real friends and bullies.
I won’t speak about teachers that did the wrong thing for the right reasons.
I won’t mention kind monsters,
because I won’t talk about the freaking TRUTH!!!

I just won’t!
Because I’m crying once again and I can’t type anymore.
Because as the mother of a child to read this book was so very painful.
Because the truth hurts and it’s easier to close your eyes.

There are all kinds of monsters in the world,
but those who make you feel…
Well, those are certainly the worst. T_T